Delay in Post..

Well, I shoulda known I'd jinx myself putting a time deadline on my giveaway post.. my computer shut itself off (thanks to a virus I THOUGHT I got rid of) before I could finish writing on it.. :(

So hopefully tomorrow afternoon I'll have it up, somehow.. Sorry peeps!  Hope you had a wonderful Tuesday.. :)

Opinions Needed..

Alright, so one of my other 28 in 28 items is to get involved with a charity.. and I'm at the point where I've thought of all my options and I'm stuck on 2 main charities..  And this is where YOUR opinion comes in.. I want the pros, cons, options, anything that comes into your head.. Bc your perspective is prolly different than mine.. What charities am I stuck on?? 

SmileTrain holds a special place in my heart.. bc I was born with a cleft lip.  For those who have no idea what this is, please go to the SmileTrain website.. while most of these cases are extreme, most cases have the same issues because of the cleft.  Some kids are lucky enough to JUST have the cleft lip.. Most kids get the cleft palate (the roof of your mouth) along with the cleft lip.  Thanks to military surgeons, I am blessed to have the smallest scar I've EVER seen on a cleft lip patient.. but not a lot of people are that lucky, even in the US..

I am an animal lover.. The commercials for this organization (or any animal saving organization, for that matter) make me tear up so much that I turn the channel, mute the tv, or walk out of the room to avoid seeing those poor animals..  And while I plan to get involved with my local humane society in some way, I'm wanting to do more..

So, those are the two charities I'm stuck on.. And while I'd love to give to both, right now I just can't see the financial ability to do so AND be able to move out in March (which HAS to happen.. lol)..

** UPDATE ON GIVEAWAY**

 Please be on the lookout around 9pm EST for all the 411 on this giveaway.. Seriously, I love this stuff and can't wait to give away the same product to try that I got to TWO OF YOU.. It's amazing!!

Oops, My Bad..

Okay, so I posted earlier about a giveaway.. and how I was gonna post it tonight.. um, so I totally forgot that I'm working tonight.. lol.. this weekend totally threw me off.. and having today off did too..

So as of right now, I will be posting about it tomorrow night.. *cross my heart*  hehe..

On another note, did anyone else get out today and do any shopping/returns?? I did.. at first bc my momma wanted me to (sorry, I'm watching The Help.. the southern is coming out), and then bc I found some good deals..

I went to Wal-Mart.. got some good deals (including two recordable Hallmark books for my neice's next 2 Christmas').. went to Best Buy to do a return (and ended up on tv).. and then to Target (and found Beiber wrapping paper.. wow, what's next?!)..

OH!  I made a step towards getting into the dating scene again.. lol.. I got the Match.com app for my phone.. ;)  Does eharmony have one??   

It's That Time of Year Again..

Well, it's almost the end of 2011.. lots of people, now that Christmas is "technically" over, are reflecting over all the have (or have NOT) accomplished and what they want to accomplish in 2012.. Well, if you have been following me (and are still reading) for a while, you know I have NOT accomplished anything I set out to do in 2011..  Honestly, I can only blame myself and my lack of any kind of "you can do it" attitude..  

BUT.. I'm hoping to make 2012 my year.. and I'm sure I said that last year, but this time, I mean it.. Why this time?!  While I had a wonderful Christmas, my mom made a comment this year that kinda hit home REALLY hard..  My mom had a pair of yoga pants (size XXL) that she'd been saving for almost 2 years that she finally was able to give me this year.. She literally said the following: "You've been skinny the past two Christmas', but this year you have gained some weight, so I can finally give them to you"..

BURN!!

Along with the fact that I am back at the point where I can eat TWO McDonald's breakfast sandwiches and still be hungry a couple hours later, I'm considering this my rock bottom..

Yep, that's me.. 11 days ago.. at the Colts vs Titans game.. :)  I smile bc of the game, not the picture.. lol.. the picture was an eye-opener.. 

So, what's my plan?!  

** I'm going to take everything one day at a time.. 

** I will weigh in on the 1st of January, and post it (along with my measurements) up here.. 

** I will be more active in my blogging..

** I will make sure I do atleast 1 thing a week to expand my knowledge, interests, and/or hobbies..

Alright, last but not least.. does anyone remember me talking about a giveaway I was planning to do?!  Well, look for all of that TONIGHT!!  I promise, the entry is already half finished, but I have to go run some errands or it'd be up now.. lol..  It's a really great giveaway, and I have TWO to giveaway.. So, have a great day after Christmas.. TTFN!

Updates..

So, I've updated the blog a little bit.. Hope ya like the changes.. :)

** To keep myself a little more accountable, I've put all my Weight Watchers weigh in's on the left side of the blog.. I like the look of two columns, not sure why I changed it..  let me know if stuff is too small to see though.. :)

** I finally finished my 28 at 28 goals.. while some have been deleted/changed, I added a couple too..  I can't wait to start checking these off after the start of the new year.. :)  Currently, I'm working on a couple of them, but they won't be checked off my list until they truly happen..  So keep checking in..

Sorry I haven't been around much, again life is just crazy.. I'm blogging at work right now.. I have the Blogger app, I just keep forgetting to use it.. :(

Craziness..

Well, as the title suggests, the past 6 days have been totally nutty.. Honestly, I can't even begin to explain everything that's been going down in my life..  But it basically equals no working out, and some (not 100%) bad eating..

I've been thinking a lot over the past couple days, and I realized that the words "I Promise" don't really hold any stock to me.. I just say them and don't realize that when I don't hold up that promise, a little bit more of my credibility goes down the toilet.. No wonder so many people don't ask me for help..  I let all sorts of people down, but most of all, I keep letting myself down..

Why is it so easy to let ourselves down??  I hate letting others down, but myself.... nah.  That's okay with me.. Not anymore.. I need to be careful what I say and start putting meaning behind things.. 

Today was my Weight Watchers weigh in.. last week, i gained.. this week, despite my lack of exercise (and somewhat bad eating), I lost 1.8 lbs.. The first thing that ran through my head?

Imagine what that number could have been if I'd tried hard..

Seriously, if I can lose 1.8 lbs not trying, what could I have lost with exercise and good eating habits??  I'm gonna find out this week..  And I'm proud of myself for going to my WW meeting this morning, bc I seriously was debating not going.. but I know that's a slippery slope..

OH!  As of tomorrow, I will be posting more pictures.. I bought a Sony digital camera at hhgregg on Black Friday.. $50 camera and I LOVE IT!!  I can't wait to start being more accountable with it, and posting pics of EVERYTHING I eat..  I'm thinking I'll post again tonight with what I've eaten today, seeing as it's my Jared Day (subway for "breakfast" and lunch)..

I'll also post later more about accountability..

Challenge Accepted!!

Well, this is different.. Two posts in one day?!  Has hell finally froze over?!  lol.. nope, I just saw something on Twitter that I just had to put my hat into the ring.. Ann over at Twelve-in-Twelve has made her own version of the Runner's World Run Streak 2011 Challenge..  if you are interested, here's the blog entry that has the info on it.. :)

Now, the basic premise of this is to run 1 mile/day from Thanksgiving Day thru to New Years.. and while I may not be a fast runner, I sure as hell can run, dag nab it!  lol.. This might be just what I need to kick my weight loss in the butt.. especially after my 4.2 lb GAIN this past week..  Yep, I said it.. I gained 4.2 lbs this past week.. and while a couple is prolly bc that TOM is here, but I know that's it.. the rest was up to bad choices and no exercising..

But I'm not giving up.. I'm plowing through that and hoping to see some (if not all) of that gain gone next week.. even with Thanksgiving coming up..

What the Hell?!

This week has me all screwed up.. Seriously, I'm just so confused as to what day it is.. And I totally forgot about a Skype date I had with a friend last night.. WHAT THE HELL?!

I hate feeling like this.. lol.. honestly, I hope it gets better now that I'm back on my anxiety/depression meds.. I started off at 20 mg, and will go back to my regular 40 mg dose in about a week..

So hopefully, this blah feeling I have and the one that makes me addicted to sleep go away soon.. if not, guess my doctors appointments will have to be longer than I thought.. Oh yeah, I can't wait til the 5th of December.. that's when I get my glasses back.. YAY!!  and the 16th is when my doctor's appointment is and hopefully I'll get back on my Vyvanse (my ADHD med)..

I'm still confused about my benefits with therapy, but it is my goal to find out before the end of the year and get my food addiction (yes, I'm pretty sure this is why I'm so terrible at losing any significant amount of weight) under control..

Fed Up on Friday..

Lol.. Nice title, huh?!  Yep, I'm fed up.. WITH MY MOTHER!!

I'm seriously wishing I had the funds to move out now.. I hate that I feel this way, but like previous entries about my mom, I'm still feeling like she's pulling me down when I'm trying to go up..

The last straw this time??  I bought a 3lb bag of chicken breasts to cook for meals over the week.. and like I'd said yesterday (either on here or Twitter), I planned to go home yesterday and finally cook them.  They'd been defrosting for a couple days (prolly since Sunday), but I figure 3 1/2 days wasn't that bad to be in the fridge..


She did me a favor and cooked them for me.. I was really grateful, and was sure to thank her for doing it.. and then I realized why she cooked them: she left me 3 breasts and put the rest in BBQ sauce (which I won't eat, bc of the P+ values).. WTF?!  And when I tell her that I needed her to buy me another bag of chickens, she FLIPS out on me.. My mom doesn't drop F-bombs unless she's pissed..

And I know she only blew up bc she knew she was wrong.. I wanted to walk out of my house with my stuff right then.. she is constantly criticizing my diet moves.. Yes, I ate a roll of Ritz crackers today, but I also tracked them, so I'm using some of my weekly points.. I came home to a potato "toppin" which is a baked potato with butter, broccaoli, bacon and velveeta ontop.. with loads of sour cream.. Anytime I decide to say something, she flips out too.. I just can't win for losing..

I can't help but think all of this will be so much easier when I'm out of her house.. everything will be easier once I'm out.. ugh!

True Confession THURSDAY..

So, I missed True Confessions Tuesday.. instead, I'm breaking "the rules" and doing it Thursday this week.. :)

I confess.. that I am super excited to have lost a pound last week.. I was worried, as I didn't have any kind of activity and had 36 hours of bad eating (not straight, but you get my meaning right?!).. but I'm learning how to eat a lot of fruits and veggies..

I confess.. that tonight I plan to cook as many meals as possible with a 3 lb bag of chicken breasts.. lol.. I got lots of Chicken Helpers, and I plan to make some with low fat cheese and salsa for tonight.. Lots of easy stuff to re-heat..

I confess.. that my schedule isn't so busy that I can't blog anymore.. Now it's just a habit not to blog.. I'm working on blogging again daily.. baby steps.. baby steps.. :)

I confess.. that I miss Blog Hops.. seriously, they seemed to be everywhere earlier this year.. then they just went away.. :(  I may just have to have one.. hmm, what an idea.. lol

Followers.. Yeah, YOU!!

I just realized that I have no idea who some of my followers are.. So here's my chance to "get to know" you..

Leave any or all of the following in a comment, or feel free to email me at fabchallenge gmail com

** Do you blog? If so, please leave me your blog address so I can follow you..

** Are you on Twitter? If so, what's your twitter handle?? Mine is @fabchallenge (bet you didn't guess that, huh?!)

** How did you get here? Please be honest, I'm intrigued.. :)

** If I changed anything about my blog, what would YOU like to see? Besides my lack of consistency or willpower.. lol

Feel free to be honest.. you can be brutal, you can be supportive.. just realize that I reserve the right to bitch/complain/brag about whatever I want.. hehe

I truly do <3 my followers..

OOooooooo, I think it may be time for a giveaway.. Maybe after Thanksgiving..

Week 3 Update

It's Week 3 of my Weight Watchers journey..

Weigh In: 255.4 lbs
Difference from last week: -1 lb

WOOHOO!! Seriously, after scarfing 4 cupcakes on Saturday, I was a little scared that I wouldn't show any kind of loss.. thank goodness I had been good all the rest of the week..

True Confessions Tuesday..

I saw that JoAnna over at Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman does this.. and it looks interesting, so I'm gonna try it.. Enjoy! :)

What can you do when you've got little things on your mind that are scratching at your brain and saying "You probably shouldn't have done that"? Well, you can get those thoughts out of your head by confessing them to world...or your readers, same difference.


That's what True Confessions are all about....getting everything out there so you can leave them behind and never think about them again. Doesn't have to be just bad stuff, either....it's always a good way to brag on yourself just a little. So, without further ado...here's this week's True Confessions...


I confess... that I haven't blogged in 8 days! Wow.. I'm not even sure why, as I have my blogger app on my phone, but all I can say is that it's just slipped my mind.. I'd like to say I'm back with a vengence, but who knows.. lol

I confess... that I started Weight Watchers on 11/1/11 like I'd planned.. 4 out of 7 days I did well.. the first day was rough, and the last two days were difficult (thanks to my birthday), and this all spelled out to a .2lb gain on the scale this morning.. but I'm taking it in and learning that I need to control EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth.. and that I need to start moving more..

I confess... that the idea of working out scares me a lot.. What if I can't do it?! What if I find that I hate it now? I used to love sweating in the gym.. but I haven't been in so long that I don't even remember what that feels like anymore.. :(

I confess... that I'm almost done Christmas shopping.. saw that JoAnna was getting the Christmas fever.. well, honey, I got it a long time ago.. lmao.. Seriously, I'm about 70% done.. thank goodness for extra income..

I confess... that as I sit here, I'm wearing my first Christmas scrub top.. hehe.. my birthday is done, so it's time to break out the Christmas wear.. I will prolly break out my Christmas decor this weekend.. :) I love decorating for Christmas, I even have my own personal tree (even though I won't be putting it up this year)..

I confess... to being addicted to Twitter.. seriously, where else can you become friends with total strangers (besides on blogs) and talk with celebrities!! Honestly, I got tweeted happy birthday by 4 celebrities yesterday: Tom Selleck, Josh Charles (from the Good Wife), Shane West (from Nikita and A Walk To Remember) and Donnie Wahlberg (from NKOTB).. This would never have happened without Twitter..

I confess... that I don't feel any different at 28 than I did at 27.. and I was figuring that would be the way it went.. It's not really THAT much of a difference.. Now, next year, that'll prolly be an interesting birthday (with at least one panic attack).. lol

Tomorrow.. No, Today!!

Tomorrow is OFFICIALLY my start up, but I thought it was today so I weighed myself this morning.. and after getting many different numbers, in many different parts of my room, I finally got a consistent one:

255.2 lbs

This is not okay.. While yes, I'm happy I only gained 7 lbs and I'm relieved that I wasn't in the 260's like I'd anticipated, I am tearing up my body by losing and gaining the same 15/20 lbs.. ugh!  So, what am I going to do?!  Um, I'm going with what I'd planned on doing.. Weight Watchers..

There will be a slight change in the plans however.. I feel I need the meetings, for now, bc I've never really succeeded at anything Weight Watchers related (at least not in the past 5 years), so I need that added support.. The bad part is that I have no idea when I'll be able to get to a meeting during my crazy schedule.. But I plan to get my schedule figured out and work it in SOMEWHERE..  I promise.. to you, and mostly to myself..

This past month, in my gaining spree, I've noticed that my body HATES me getting fat.. I itch everywhere (thanks to stretching and excema), my face is breaking out like I'm a teenager again, and I've noticed that I smell weird anymore.. not bad, just not like my fru-fru body wash.. :( 

Wow, well, I'm off to work.. Day 1 of 2 straight days.. ugh!  

Making Plans..

So I've found a Weight Watchers meeting I'll be likely to go to.. it's on Saturday mornings at 9:15am.. This is a good time for me, actually perfect, because it's on my way home from my Friday night shift.. and then I can go grocery shopping at the Walmart right after.. :)

Sounds like a good plan, right?!  However, since I will be in NYC on the 5th (WOOHOO!!), I will try to find something on Monday the 7th and then go to the regular Saturday meetings after that..

Plans..

Right now, my life is one big cluster f@#k.. when i'm not working two job or driving to them, i'm sleeping.. and while this week was planned, it was still difficult..

Honestly, my eating has been CRAPPY.. i've seen McDonald's more than I'd like to admit, and I miss my bed more than I can say.. I'm so scatter-brained that I forgot to get my second TB test read (which means I get to get another one, yay me).. and I haven't been able to scratch out any time to check out the gym the hospital has for us..

Now, I have plans.. and we know how 90% of those turn out.. but i'm trying to fix that, by planning out my plans.. and making back up plans.. My basic plan will go into effect on my 28th birthday, which is Monday, November 7th..

It's kind of perfect, actually.. I can stick with the Monday weigh in, I also have an appointment that morning to get a Wellness check up done, so i'll get to see what i'm starting off with and what I need to work on.. :)

I do know I plan to find a WW meeting that I can go to, not sure where yet, and I will do WW online instead of the normal stuff.. and that's about as far as my plans go FOR NOW.. i'm working on more details of how I want to lose this weight for good..

Good night!

Self- Love??

This entry is about exercising, kinda..

This entry is about dieting, kinda..

I'm feeling vague today, can ya tell?!  lol.. Okay, so I was on Twitter earlier, and just started following this lady.. I won't give ya her Twitter handle, bc I didn't ask her if it was okay (and I don't wanna step on any toes).. But this lady said something about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend who would appreciate all the work she does at the gym.. I replied back the following:

"I think that all the time.. then I realize I wouldn't want him to see >this< naked right now.. ugh!"

We had a tweet convo after that about how I should love myself RIGHT NOW, how my perspective needs to change now while I'm still heavy, etc..  Why??  If I loved myself fat, then why would I want to change that?!  I'm not "unhealthy" (aka, low blood pressure, normal cholesterol, and normal blood sugar), but I'm overweight.  Now, this is not to say that I don't love myself enough to do something.. I do.. I just think that my depression is sneaky and is working it's way back into my life.. and the fat is my safety zone, so to speak..

I don't love myself at this size.. I love how I feel thinner, I love how I look thinner.. I HATE how I look fat, but I don't hate myself.. Trust me, I've been down THAT road, and it'll never happen again..

** Just an FYI: I respect this person's opinion.. this just struck a cord in me and I figured others might relate to it.. **

Noticing Things..

Okay, so I'm starting to realize that my house has become a prison, of sorts.. and mom or dad, if you are reading this (which I hope you aren't), it's nothing you all have done.. 

My grandmother is out of town, so my mom and I are feeding her babies (fur babies, that is) while she's gone.. I walked into her house today and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.. honestly, it was like the exhaustion I'd been feeling was gone..

I hate that my life is cramped into a small room.. and it's getting worse.. I basically work and sleep anymore.. on the random occasion that I actually get out of my house, it's only with my besties Amanda or Cassie..

I'm hoping that with my new job (and benefits) that I can start my meds, get therapy, and MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE.. lol.. I sadly think that one big reason I'm not succeeding in weight loss is bc it's not my top priority.. right now, my top priority is staying afloat, without totally screwing up what normal life I have..

Sadly, the meds part won't be happening til March, but I will be moving out in January or February.. :)

Updates on Goals..

So, I've updated my monthly goals and my 30 by 30 has been changed to 28 at 28.. 30 is still over 2 years away.. I need to focus on the here and now.. so I'm going to print those goals out and post them on my wall, so I see them every day, and work towards them every day.. :)

What are your goals for yourself??  Are they JUST weight related??

Well, It's Monday..

It's official.. I HATE MONDAYS!!

I'm not sure why, but something bad always seems to come with them.. This Monday, it's an overdraft fee!  I haven't had one of those for months (which is awesome for me).. and it wasn't even for something I did/spent.. I won't go into details, but seriously, I'm pissed bc I had my bank account down to the $1 (I've been using cash for anything non-bill related).. and now it's fucked up.. grr!!

This sadly means that I will have to cancel my gym membership a week sooner than I'd planned.. :(  Guess I'll just have to workout outside this coming week.. Then on Monday, I'll bring my workout bag with me to Orientation so I can go to the gym at work straight afterwards.. :)

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Weigh in was as bad as I expected.. Hell, I ate 6 pcs of chicken/tomato/green pepper pizza yesterday.. Wonder why I gained over the past two weeks.. HOWEVER, I'm shocked to see I only gained 5.2 lbs.. Yes, that's a lot over the past 2.5 weeks, but for me, it's not really..

Weigh In for 10/03: 248.8 lbs

Difference from last weigh in: +5.2 lbs

So as I sit here, eating my breakfast of Oat Fit Cinnamon Roll 100 calorie pack (won it from Kris Gets Healthy's blog), 1 pc of Healthy Life (carb-friendly) toast with ICBINB spray, and green tea, I am trying to rack my brain how I'm going to lose those 5 lbs and then some.. 

---------------------------

My goals for this week:

** Lose 1 lb

** Get on the ball with 5k in 100 days running

** Count calories EVERY DAY!

Up In The Air..

That seems to be my motive right now.. Seriously, my work schedule has been so screwed up that I don't know which way is up, so to speak..  I've worked 76 hours in the past 7 days (with 1 full day off).. And sadly, it doesn't look to be getting any better any time soon.. Next week, I'm going to try to keep my schedule "normal" and take shifts if I can get them.. bc the week after that will be totally screwed up, time-wise..

The week after next, I start my new job.. and I'm not sure what my schedule will be exactly.. I wish I did, so I could plan stuff better, but right now everything is up in the air.. including working out.. Right now, I will be working 6 days a week, but the money is too good to pass up.. Yes, I will be keeping as many of my clients as I can physically keep.. :)  If I work as much as I should be, my bi-weekly paychecks should clear $1000 after taxes.. :)  That makes me happy..

--------------------------

I'm thinking that with my first paycheck I will enroll in WW Online.. This way I can have all the stuff on my phone and no excuses not to count points.. Yes, that's another thing.. Tomorrow, I plan to start Weight Watchers.. AGAIN.. lol

I also am changing my Weigh In days to Mondays, bc with them being on Fridays, I kinda give myself the weekend to go off the deep end and then the rest of the week to "fix it".. So this way I can't go crazy during the weekends.. :)

Laziness Kills..

it kills in different ways..

it kills your plans..

it kills your body..

it kills your motivation..

I'm realizing that my brain is not in the right place anymore.. i've gotten lazy, but not physically lazy (no way), but mentally lazy.. This week, i've worked 76 hours.. while i have a very easy just physically, it's mentally draining.. and all i want to do when i (eventually) get home is crash in bed.. and itms only for a small nap..

my question for myself now is why do i need a nap?? seriously, i sleep most nights that i work, and while it's not a wonderful sleep, it's still sleep.. i need to start bringing my gym bag with me everyday.. and get into the habit of going straight there..

my bed needs to stop being my #1 way to de-stress.. I have an able body, I should use it while it's not too late.. and sadly, I forgot to bring it tonight, but seeing as my gym doesn't open til 12 tomorrow, I will go later..

I'm Such A Dummy..

Well, I'm sure some of you are denying this, but give me a chance to prove it to you.. lol

I honestly don't know why, but I just realized that somewhere I started thinking I could lose weight with just a change of eating.. HAHA!!  I just brought you over to the "I'm a dummy" side, didn't I?! 

I should honestly know better.. I read blogs, I've looked online at stuff, and I know that this thinking is really WRONG..

As I say this, I'm wondering how I'm going to rectify this.. Oh yeah, by starting off fresh tomorrow morning with W1D1 of Brad Gansberg's 5k in 100 days class.. I'm a little behind (I was gonna start tonight, but I picked up a last minute shift), but I will get my 3 days in.. :)

As much as I miss the gym, I honestly miss the treadmill the most.. I don't really miss the classes (as fun as they can be sometimes), or the music (I like my own music).. I miss getting into my own little world and just getting things done.. Is it sad that the only place I like to sweat is at the gym?  I feel like it's called for there.. hehe

-----------------------------

On a lighter note, I went to do my paperwork for my new job.. Found out I have to wait almost 6 months to get my medical and dental insurance.. which is okay, I guess.. HOWEVER, I only have to wait til December 1st to get my vision insurance.. Sadly, this is pretty important to me.. I happened to find two contacts that were floating around in my MULTIPLE contact cases (am I the only one who has like a dozen cases??).. so I can see clearly again now.. YAY!!  But I am planning to make appointments at all sorts of places for the appropriate doctors/dentists..

Now, I have an opinion question.. My medical insurance has two plans, one WITH an HSA account (and $1250 deductible) and one without an HSA account (and $750 deductible).. The hospital will deposit $500 into the HSA account (to make the difference between the plans), but the non-HSA one has co-pays and the other doesn't.. Any ideas of which one I should go for?  I'm leaning towards the HSA account, bc I've had one before, and I didn't have any problems (plus, I could always afford the visits since I was putting money into the account).. Let me know your opinion.. :)

Seriously?!

Out of all the things I was looking forward to today, having a panic attack WAS NOT one of them.. I'm seriously thinking I am going to become a recluse on accident.. I can't wait to find out on Monday how long I have to wait to get medical insurance.. As soon as my ass is out of that building, I will be calling my doctor to get an appointment for meds and an appointment with a therapist.. This shit is going to end, and soon!!  I cannot believe that I am having this crap come up again..

It's always with something seriously important.. which is probably why it happens.. I've been thinking about this reception for almost a week.. ugh!  That is all.. I'm off to go take a nap.. these things wear me out..

Where HAVE I Been?

btw, in my head, the title has been yelled by Mrs. Weasley (from Harry Potter).. lol.. it's been one of those kinds of weeks where I just can't stop laughing right now..

Seriously though, where in the world did I go?!  11 days since my last post?!?!?!?!  WOW!  I'm thinking that's a personal record, which sucks bc this isn't a good record to have.. I loved blogging at one point..  I'm sure if you've followed me for a while, you've gotten sick of my posts sometimes (I think a couple days I've posted 3 times).. But now, my posts barely come once a week.. Sadly, I miss the pictures I used to post, as stupid as it might seem.. My digital camera broke a while ago, and my dad took his back about 6 months ago.. :(

Well, I'm determined to bring back more pics to my posts (hence the pic above.. lol).. I can't believe I haven't posted in so long.. Just to be brief, here's a couple little things that have happened over the past 11 days..

** Last Friday's weigh in was 242.6 lbs (my body likes those .6 lbs, doesn't it?!), which is down 1 lb..
** I tried to weigh on Wednesday, only to find that my scale has finally bit the dust.. So I have to buy another one before I can weigh in again..
** This past 7 days have been weird.. Saturday was a free-for-all, food-wise, but I got back on track Sunday and Monday, but Tuesday started a slow free-for-all again.. My mom brought in CHOCOLATE FUDGE!!  I can't resist (yet) the smell of chocolate fudge.. or the taste.. lol

Now a big thing that happened this past week!?  I GOT THE JOB!!  Now, if you follow me on Twitter, you already know this.. If you don't follow me on Twitter, why don't you?!  lol.. In case you are interested, click on the twitter button.. :)

But back to the main subject: I got a call on the 16th from the HR manager telling me I got the job.. she asked if it was a good time to go over some stuff as I was flushing the toilet!!  lol.. don't judge, you know you answer calls on the toilet too.. but I go in on Monday to finish all the paperwork, get drug tested, and get some shots.. My first day is October 10th.. I'm so excited!  It's only part time, but it has HEALTH INSURANCE!!  I seriously am restraining myself from making appointments until Monday, when I'll remember to ask how long the waiting period is.. lol

Now, onto the healthy part of my blog... I plan to re-start the Induction on Monday.. I would start today, but I have a wedding reception to go to, and I figure one more day ain't gonna hurt me (I know, stupid, but I really don't wanna watch what I eat with the place it's at)..

Another Twitter reference for ya.. I'm enrolled in Brad Gansberg's 5kin100days program.. it starts on Monday also.. If you are interested in doing it, go to bradgansberg.com and check out the details..  I'm excited to get back into running, especially outside.. This weather is wonderful, if only the rain would go away..

Well, that's all for now.. sorry if I rambled.. Now, COMMENT AWAY!! lol

Weekend Update..

Well, it may be Tuesday, but I still wanted to share what I learned over the weekend..

I've said it before, that this time is different.. and this is in regards to that being more true every day.. :)  I have had 2 "cheat" days (where I eat whatever I want within a 1 hour period, within reason) since starting this newest leg of my journey.. and both times I've found them to be not worth it.. I honestly can't say what is different this time.. Yes, I have a cruise to go to (hopefully) in June.. Yes, I plan to wear bikinis on said cruise.. But seriously, I've said stuff before and it's never motivated me this way..

But weekend before last, I ate home-cooked chicken tenders and fries.. I was unprepared to "cheat" but it was, what I thought was, a good lunch.. I was sorely disappointed.. The fries were weird (in my opinion) and the chicken tenders were okay.. Definitely not worth it..  This past Friday, I stopped in to McDonald's for a fast, easy lunch.. I got the Daily Double (yay, it's back!!), medium fry, and 3 chocolate chip cookies.. The fries were gross and I tossed the bottom part of the bun of my burger away (I would have tossed both parts but the mayo and lettuce were on the top one)..  the cookies were worth it though.. yumm!!!!

Basically, I've learned over the weekend that I really won't WANT to eat like I used to.. I only grabbed McDonald's bc I made the mistake of driving without snacks around.. I need to have stuff available to snack on, and will make sure to have them from now on.. :)

Weigh In's..

Yes, plural.. I weighed in on Friday, like a good girl.. lol.. and was shocked.. I'd been good with my carbs (not counting them exactly, but staying away from bread regardless) and while I did eat 5 pieces of (gross) sushi, I threw away the other 4 pieces..

Weigh In on 9/9: 246.6 lbs
Loss of 2.2 lbs

But that's a gain from when I weighed in during the week..  But I weighed in this morning, and was pleasantly surprised.. :)

Weigh In on 9/12: 243.6 lbs
Loss of 3.0 lbs from 9/9

WOOHOO!!  Now, I gotta keep going down.. I'll be back later with a weekend recap, bc I've learned a few things during this weekend.. :)

This Time Is Different..

I don't know why, but this time really is different.. I find that I don't care to eat carbs.. I really don't miss bread so much, I don't miss ice cream like I thought I would.. Don't get me wrong, I still have those moments when I'm starving at the store (I know, it doesn't happen too often, but it does happen) where I want to go see my boys Ben & Jerry.. But I resist and walk right on by.. which is getting easier and easier, the skinnier I find myself getting..

Right now, I've not seen any difference in my clothes.. But I've noticed my face is slimmer, and my thighs don't jiggle quite as badly.. lol.. But then again, I've only lost like 13 lbs so far (yeah, I weighed myself again yesterday and I'm down to 243.6 lbs), and since I started out at 257.0 I figure it's gonna take a loss of 20+ lbs before I notice anything getting smaller again.. Yes, I'm taking my being able to wear size 16 as a NSV.. but I want to be able to wear them without worrying about my rolls showing.. ugh, rolls!

I was thinking today during Zumba "I really hope I don't lose my butt or boobs" during my weight loss..  I love my CURVES.. I don't love my ROLLS!  Does that make sense?!  In my mind it does, so I'm going with it.. :)

OH!  I finally put up my September goals!  And 2 out of 4 of them are weight loss related.. and the other 2 are life related.. I'm hoping to get back on my anxiety and ADHD meds.. when the sun goes away, I will stay in bed ALL DAY!!  so I need to nip it in the bud and get my meds going again.. and the other, of course, is the same as last month: FIND A NEW JOB!  lol

Happy Labor Day..

I can't believe before Saturday, I hadn't posted since the past Friday!!  WHAT?!  Wasn't that one of those "things to work on"?!  Yeah, I'm working on it.. lol.. slowly.. Bad thing about Blogger on Android is that I can't do as much personalizing (like centering and paragraphs) as I want.. and since I am not on my computer that often, it's easy to forget about.. :(

I'm hoping that this week will be a good one.. Like that I get a call back from ANY of the applications I've recently put out.. :)  Or that the gym isn't closed tomorrow!! Grr.. I'm off work today and I can't go to the gym.. So disappointed.. But tomorrow is a new day.. And I plan to go as soon as I get back from donating plasma..

Now I hope everyone is enjoying their (hopefully) extended weekend.. Even I had an unintended 3 day weekend.. sadly, I didn't want it to be that long, but whatever.. :)

Unprepared..

So I woke up this morning, threw on my scrubs, pulled my hair back, and went downstairs to fix me my normal weekend breakfast... sausage links.. they aren't prolly the healthiest thing, since they are microwavable, but they are travel-friendly, so I eat them on weekends a lot.. :)

My mom fixed some for me yesterday, bless her heart, and I guess she used the rest of them bc I couldn't find the bag this morning.. I just bought the bag last week, so hopefully they're just buried.. lol.. but instead of going crazy finding them, I just decided to try McDonald's breakfast platter.. NEVER AGAIN!! Their eggs are nasty.. ick! I took two bites of the hashbrown then threw the rest to the birds.. and told myself I can have half of the biscuit since the eggs were gross.. and to make sure I didn't get tempted to eat the whole thing, I threw the bottom half out the window for the birds too.. lmao

I figure that was SO not worth the $4 I spent on it.. lesson learned..

Weekend Post.. and a Weigh in..

All right, let's get this out of the way..

Weight on 09/02: 248.8 lbs
Difference from last week: +3.2 lbs

I know that I am expecting this to go down by next Friday, seeing as I gain around 5lbs when it's that TOM.. I hate it.. I was 3 days early this time.. 3 DAYS! No fair! So, what did I do?? I went and bought water pills for next month.. me and my period need to find a way to cooperate during my weight loss.. I also noticed that first week I was eating veggies like crazy.. sometimes having a salad twice a day.. last week, not so much.. so my goal this week is to get some balance with fruits/veggies.. and to get some knowledge on how many cards are in things.. 

I will be updating my September goals tomorrow, as I forgot about them the last two days, and today I'm working all day.. Sadly, I won't be getting the bike because I still don't have a better job.. The company I'm hoping hires me is VERY slow in their hiring process.. ugh! But I'm still applying at other places too.. Off I go to work.. :) Hope you all are having a great 3 day weekend..

Weigh In..

Okay, so I weighed in this morning to make sure that I was making SOME kind of progress.. and I was shocked!!

Last Weeks Weight: 257.0 lbs

This Weeks Weight: 245.6 lbs

Difference: -11.4 lbs

WHAT?!  WOW!!  I seriously was expecting 5 to 7 lbs.. Not 11.4.. This is great though!  Means that I am doing the right thing.. I will give up ALL the cupcakes now to be able to enjoy ONE in the future..  I'm so excited.. My size 18 jeans that I bought less than a week ago are now unflatteringly baggy, so since I've only worn them twice, I'm going to see if I can exchange them for size 16.. If not, then I'll buy the size 16 and sell the size 18's in our yard sale next weekend..

YEAH, there's another point.. we are having our yard sale (FINALLY) next weekend.. WOOHOO!  I'll get to get rid of my junk in my bedroom finally!  and possibly make a little money.. enough to cover my car insurance due in a couple weeks.. :)  Well, I'm off to go see my little niece.. She cut her first tooth a couple days ago, and I can't wait to see her smile now.. Oh, and btw, Kris over at KrisGetsHealthy.com is doing a giveaway because she's lost an amazing 180 lbs.. check it out and enter.. :)

Savings, Savings, Savings..

Well, as I've said before, I am trying to save money for a lot of reasons.. Mostly for the NKOTB Cruise in June, but for other reasons too.. I plan to start saving hard core after the 2nd of September.. As in, anything I make over $300 I plan to put directly into a savings account from ING Direct..  I've already opened the account, and I've made sure that I can't get to it unless I transfer money from it.. No Debit Cards, no checks, NOTHING!  I don't plan to touch this money unless it's for an emergency or a bill I was saving for..

I've been reading Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover" ever since I got the book to give away.. and I've gotten to the point where I understand it's gonna take some serious spending starvation to do this.. but I'm young, and I CAN do it.. BUT, it says that I need to make my debts current, and that isn't where I'm at right now.. so my plan?!  To call my creditors and work with them on getting current.. There aren't that many that aren't current, but with fees and crap, it's hard to get current, so I'm hoping they'll work with me on it all.. :)

Well, seeing as I'm at work, and this post has been "saved" for 3 days, I think this is done for now.. Have a good day!!

My Green Thumb..

So I could have SWORN I have blogged about my garden before today.. Honestly, I guess I posted about it on FB and not on here.. Oops!  Well, here's the recap..

** After months of thinking about it, I decided to plant a garden in my back yard.. After waiting for my dad to fix up my "plot", he and my brother finally got it up and running, so to speak, on Memorial Day weeekend.. :)

** After getting only enough soil to start half of my garden (I'm broke and a newbie), I had to skip putting in the flowers.. :(  I've learned that lesson, and planted the following plants in my garden:

~ cantaloupe (2 different kinds)

~ heirloom tomatoes

~ cherry tomatoes

~green peppers

~ everbearing strawberries

~ cucumbers

** I did a little bit of research before planting stuff, like on what to plant at the time I was planting, how to get them to grow big and healthy, stuff like that.. So I got some paper shreddings from my client for my tomatoes, and egg casings for them too.. I DIDN'T, however, see that cantaloupes were a climbing fruit.. so they kind of took over my garden (see above picture)..

** Thankfully since starting most of these from plants bought from Walmart or Home Depot, the only plant that didn't flourish were my cucumber plants.. :(  oh, and my strawberries didn't produce more than 3 edible strawberries this year.. BUT the good thing about them is that they are supposedly perrenials so they should stick around for a long time, as long as I don't kill them.. lol

** I recently had to transplant my green pepper plants into a container, because the tomato plants were taking all their sunlight.. and they are doing well now.. I was worried because their roots were so buried in the soil that I didn't know if I'd taken a big enough amount of them to get them to continue to grow and eventually produce more fruit.. Well, looks like I worried for nothing..

** I FINALLY got the rest of my bed filled with soil and compost a couple of weeks ago.. then I tried my hand at planting cucumbers again.. They have flowered, so we'll see if it was too late or not.. :)

** Now that Fall is around the corner, I'm looking into compost heaps, turning a part of my shed into a green house (because I can't put my seedlings in my house, too many nosy cats.. lol), and what seeds to start/what to plant for fall.. I'm excited to get my hands dirty, literally, and produce a lot more fruits and veggies.. :)

Finding Who I Am.. Week 2..

Well, this was supposed to be done on Friday, but thanks to picking up an extra shift, and working too much over the weekend, I kinda forgot.. BUT I remembered today while I was looking at a baking magazine.. :)

** I downloaded an app a few months ago to help me learn how to sign (back when I was babysitting little kids and taught them some basics).. It has videos (which is how I learn best) and has 500+ words that I can learn.  I love it!  I try to learn at least 2 words a day, and put them together as much as I can during my day.. So far, I've learned "why" "what" "milk" "mother" "father" "baby".. among other words..

** I am currently on a waiting list for the NKOTB Cruise.. I don't care who makes fun of me (because some will), but I am going to do what it takes to go on this cruise.. and I also am planning to go to more concerts.. all sorts of concerts, to find out what else I like to listen to..

** I realized last Tuesday that I listen to the same two radio stations when I'm in my car.. both Pop radio stations.. and while there is nothing wrong with Pop music, but it's kinda all the same anymore.. I realized this on Tuesday because I was at work driving my client to an appointment and he turned the station to a rock station.. and I actually found songs that I loved on there!  I downloaded them onto my iPod as soon as I got home.. I also listen to Lite 106.9 (soft rock/pop music) too, since I love late 80's/early 90's music.. :)

Not too much last week that went into finding who I am.. I attribute that to working too much, and the stress of realizing I've gained so much weight over the past year.. I will be back on Friday for week 3.. It's been a productive week.. :)

Well, I'm Excited..

I have recently decided that I am going to go on the NKOTB Cruise in June of 2012.. I blogged about it in my FMM post earlier today, but only that I'd recently downloaded an app to help keep track of the days left til it disembarks.. :)  I'm so excited!!  But I plan to keep one of them on a special page to keep up with any information I post regarding it.. Such as my savings for the trip, the countdown and other things I've found..

But to keep up with other cruisers (as I'm technically on a waitlist, but all of the waitlisters got called last year, so it's basically a waiting game right now), I am part of several groups and following several twitter BH's (Block Head's).. :)

I'm using this cruise as the motivation to keep me going this time.. I plan to take a picture later tonight in the bikini I have that will prolly go with me (among others.. lol) on this cruise.. And then plan to take updated pics every Friday night.. This way I can "flip" through them and see my progress..

Some of you are prolly asking, what if you don't get that call???  Well, since I'm not planning to get a call for a couple of months (some people didn't get the call til the month before the cruise), I am not sweating it.. I still need to come up with the $300 deposit that, if they call before Nov. 29th, I will be required to pay.. Then the next $800 if the call after that date.. So the more time I have, the better..

But if I don't get that call and don't get to go on this cruise, I will take a beach vacation.. I figure it will be the perfect "ultimate" goal, either way.. So here's to the next 290 days.. I figure I can lose almost all of the 80 lbs I got to lose by then..

OH!  Gotta show you the picture I found on one of the groups I belong to for the cruise..

It's Monday, Which Means..

It's Friend Makin' Monday..  :)

If you've never seen this, check out Kenlie's blog for the rules (it's seriously simple) and play along.. 

FMM: The Last Thing

1) What is the title of the last book you read?  I'm currently reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.. Gotta get my finances in order..
 
2) What is the last movie you saw in a theater? I saw The Change Up on Saturday with one of my besties.. :)

3) Briefly describe the last person you saw today.  Um, I guess it's a tie between my mom and dad.. lol.. I just saw both of them.. My dad is a dorky almost 50 year old dad, and my mom is a wonderful 47 year old mom.. :)

4) Which store did you most recently shop in?  Well, I did go shopping on Friday.. It was at the Disney Store.. I love that store..

5) Who’s the last person you spoke to over the phone? My grandma.. She was giving me instructions to pass onto my dad..


6) Where’s the last place you vacationed? What's a vay-cay-tion?!  Haha.. my last vacation was when I was 20.. :(

7) When was the last time you kissed someone of the opposite sex?  good gravy.. now I'm depressed.. lol

8) What’s the last thing that made you laugh?  This survey..

9) What’s the latest app that you downloaded on your phone?  Countdown Widget.. I'm counting down the days til the New Kids on the Block Cruise 2012.. 290 days!!  YAY!!

10) What’s the last kind thing you did for someone?  I did my breakfast dishes instead of leaving them for my mom to do.. 

Denial..

It ain't just a river in egypt.. haha.. okay, that's the joke of the day, now on to the serious stuff..

Erin @ Erin's 6 Month Transformation left me a comment that hit the nail on the head, so to speak.. I have been in denial for a long time.. I didn't know until now how much though.. She pointed out that about 1 year ago I weighed in at 233 lbs.. I've gained 24 lbs in the past year!!  WHAT THE HELL?!  Seriously?!  How did I not realize this??

I seriously was reading her comment and after seeing that I wanted to go cry.. not because of anything she wrote, but because she is right.. if I had a printer here, I'd print off the comment right now and post it to my wall.. guess it'll have to wait til I get home..

Honestly, the only difference between me now and me then (besides the 24 extra lbs) is my meds.. I was taking my ADHD and anxiety meds.. and that's not a financial option right now.. So I'm going to have to overcompensate for these being gone.. 

But as I'm learning from Dave Ramsey (that's another blog totally) the time/energy put into my present will make my future that much better.. I need to give up the "fun" foods/stuff now to be able to enjoy them later when i'm skinnier.. does that make sense??

Btw, THANK YOU ERIN!! I appreciate you giving me a wake up call.. :)

Wow..

I was honestly expecting to see a number around 255.. well, I saw one, but it wasn't on the right side of 255.. I weighed in this morning before my shower at:

257.0 lbs

WOW!!  That's the heaviest I've been in YEARS!!  This shows me how out of control I've let myself get.. I've gotten too lazy.. Today, I got myself out of bed at 5am to shower and then GROCERY SHOP!!  But I can't get my butt out of bed at 7:30 am to go to the gym?!  No more!!  I also miss my group of supporters around me.. Katie and Katelyn, I MISS YOUR MOTIVATION (and friendship, of course)!!  I've got to start working on this.. TODAY!!  

I've got to tell myself that this isn't meant to be easy.. If I want easy, I should just stop now and continue gaining weight (which isn't an option).. I saw a quote somewhere (sorry, I see so many I can't keep track) that said "If you don't fight for yourself, who will??"  I agree!  So here's to taking this fight seriously!!  

Off I go to work..

Reasons..

For those who are wondering why I have/am doing the Atkins Diet..

My face won't stop breaking out.. and they say that chocolate doesn't create zits!! 
Of course not, but the worse I eat, the worse my face gets..

The redness on the right is my excema.. wahoo.. the worse I eat and the bigger I get,
the worse this gets.. this is in addition to the changing weather.. right now, I'm one big
bundle of itchiness.. can we say "Buy stock in Cortaid"?!

Me and my bed have gotten WAY to familiar with each other..
I see it more than I see my mother, whom I LIVE WITH!! 
I'd like to cut back on our time together..

Pre-Weigh In Post..

I am going into tomorrow's weigh in expecting a gain.. I weighed myself yesterday (at night) and it said 257.6.. which shocked me.. A LOT!  Enough to where I'm pretty sure this is rock bottom for me.. If that is my true weight, then I'll accept it and change what I'm doing..  But after looking into my pantry, can you blame me for why I gained?!

I'm not sure why I thought that, during all this craziness in my life, I could really do something as loosely regimented as Weight Watchers.. I should know by now that I need something that says "You can't eat this.. You can eat this.."  I need those limits for now.. I need to know that it is not a good idea to eat a Twinkie (which I just did).. 

Me and sugar are frenemies, I guess.. I love sugar.. but I can do without it.. There are enough substitutes in the world that I can live without it for as long as I need to.. Sadly, part of me (a small part) wishes I had the surgical option.. Yeah, FOR ME it'd be the easy way out.. But it'd be nice to know that my stomach was teeny tiny and actually get results.. ugh!  And another small part of me wants to go to the store and buy up those pills that some Reality TV star is endorsing..

But that's not the way I want to do this.. I want to do this on my own (as in without medicinal help).. Most of my issue is boredom eating, I realize this now.. I eat because my brain isn't occupied enough to stay away from the idea of chewing.. I also sleep WAY TOO MUCH!! If I don't take care of myself, then who is?! 

Update on August Goals..

Well, I figured since it is the middle of the month that I would go over how I'm coming in my August goals..

** Get full-time job

Well, I didn't get the full-time job I was hoping for, but rumor has it I might be getting another job that is part-time hours (with the eventuality of full-time hours).. My main goal of getting a full-time job was to get benefits, and this part-time job would have those.. 

 

** Join a gym

DONE!!  While I'm still trying to figure out a schedule that works for me and my stupid sleep schedule (aka my impromptu naps that I seem to need want).. but I'm working on it..

 

** Start saving money in ING savings account

Yeah, this really can't financially happen until I get that other job, so this prolly won't happen in the next two weeks.. :(

** Lose 1lb per week

Umm, I DID lose 1.2 lbs last week, but I haven't lost 2 lbs yet.. I'm holding out hope to still come out with a 4 lb loss this month.. :)

Finding Who I Am.. Week One

Well, after realizing that I have no idea who I am as a person, I have made some big strides in getting back into the things I enjoy..  Here's just a few of them from this past week..

** I love reading!  Not just any kind of reading, but I love to read supernatural romance books..

I just finished "Retribution" in two days.. I love when I get that into a book.. And I haven't done that in so long, for some reason or another.. Well, no more.. I will make sure I read more from now on.. :)


** I broke out my sewing machine again!  After having to stow it away in my closet because I haven't used it in forever, I decided to bring it out again and start working on stuff that I wanted to make, but never got to.. Sewing is not something that has to take a big lump of time, it's something that I can do with small lumps of time.. So I plan to start sewing again.. :)

** After watching a Switched At Birth marathon on ABC Family (I missed the whole season so I DVR'd it earlier this week) and realizing that I was doing some of the signs during the show, I've decided to get back into learning American Sign Language..  I've got the books, I've even got an app from when I was teaching the kiddos I watched sign language.. I figure if I can take some time out of each day to sign a little, it'll be easier.. :)

** The majority of my problem finding myself is my wardrobe.. The majority of it is from high school/college years.. And while there is nothing wrong with that during the time I stay at home, I should not be going out of my house everyday in stuff that isn't fashionable in some way.. Sorry, chics, but Phi Sig shirts only look cute for so long.. I'm starting small by breaking out my cute headbands, seeing as I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe right now (or even a pair of pants.. lol)..

Well, that's all I've really worked on this week, but it's a lot.. Hopefully I'll have some more to brag about next Friday.. :)

Disappointed, Enthusiastic and Energized..

Well, my blog title actually is about three different things.. Which I will explain, in detail.. Who woulda guessed, right?! Hehe..

I'm disappointed because:

Out of all of my followers, only 3 people left comments..  So either my giveaway post got lost in the shuffle of Google Readers everywhere (lol) or there are a lot more people that are financially stable than I originally thought..  I'm not even thinking that people just don't read my blog anymore (gasp!).. BUT, after reading the comments and identifying with one comment in particular, I've decided on a winner!  :)  Tori @ A Journey To A New Me.. left the following comment:

I totally want this book please! I've heard great things about the author but have yet to invest in the book (I have it saved on my wish list for nook). I am attempting to become more financially "responsible" (I can be a bit spendy, which I am trying to curb) and want to better plan for the future. I have some financial goals written down but in todays economy I'm easily overwhelmed (which sometimes leads to emotional spending). I would love to have this book to hear his ideas and set some things into motion...and possibly avoid feeling over whelmed when I hear Washington DC folks talk! thanks..

So congratulations Tori.. Check your email and send me your address.. as soon as I get it, I'll have your book to you.. :)

I'm enthusiastic because:

My TOM is over and this morning (after forgetting to weigh in before I ate) I weighed in at 251.6lbs.. That's a 1.2 lb loss!!  WOOHOO!!  I'm not sure if I wrote about it, but I got my Weight Watchers PointsPlus books back from Katie and decided to do WW on my own (until I could afford to do the online part).. So while I'm having some issues (such as night time scavaging), I'm doing things to make it go the right way.. DOWN!!  :)

I'm energized because:

While I didn't get the job that I'd hoped for, I may be in line for one that is more suited for me in the long run.. My mom (who works for the company I was interviewing with) talked with her boss (the one who'd hire me) and said that they thought the older lady was a better fit with the Hospice team.. which makes sense, I guess.. BUT she also said that they were going to be hiring for a Part Time Home Health Aide and that I'd more than likely be hired straight away for this position.. :)  So this means I might actually work with my mom!  I'm excited to see if this pans out, because I'm really sick of driving 35 miles/day for a 4 hour shift.. 

So I'm off to go watch the Princess Bride and get ready for my weekend of 12 hour shifts.. Hope you all have a great weekend!  :)

Revelation..

For those who have me bookmarked and don't have to look at my blog address at all, or those who happen to find me by chance (bc y'all are great too), my blog address states this: Finding My Fab Self com.. Well, I had a revelation today that made me think that this blog has gotten very one dimensional.. There is nothing wrong with that, per say.. but I realized today that I have no idea who I am.. I've been coasting through life for a long time.. prolly years.. It changes now! I'm done just surviving each day.. I want to LIVE life.. with no regrets.. Because right now, I have bunches.. It was Christina Hendricks, well her August interview in Lucky Magazine, that made me realize all this.. so, Mrs. Hendricks, THANK YOU! I really hate that I have cute stuff, accessories and clothes, that I don't wear because I work all the time.. but it's not going to get dirty.. and most of it is modest, so what's the harm, right?! And I'm going to work on posting more pics.. bc honestly, we all love pictures, don't we?! :) OH! just a little blip.. don't forget about my giveaway I'm doing!! check it out!

I Loathe..

Being a woman (most of the time)!

Just an FYI, this is going to be a girls only kind of post... so if you are a guy, and you chose to continue reading, you have been warned.. lol

Well, I found out one reason why I gained those 3 lbs.. my period decided to come 3 days early!! WTF?! I've never been regular, but I'd started to get to a pretty predictable timeframe.. but this month, I'm off kilter.. prolly thanks to all the stress I've got right now.. Well, hopefully with good eating patterns and exercise, I'll show a loss next Friday.. fingers crossed..

Another reason I loathe being a woman is cramps.. I can't wait to get a job with benefits.. so I can actually go to a dr and find out why my cramps hurt so bad.. this sucks.. :(

Well, I'm off to work 8 more hours.. ttfn!

Wow.. Just Wow..

Today is one of those pity party days, so please bear with me..  

I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday.. but I do plan to go straight after work, so hopefully I'll only miss yesterday.. why haven't I been going like I originally planned to, in the mornings?  Bc I'm slipping into a deep dark hole that I really am trying not to slide into.. All of this job stuff is stressing me out.. and in return, I am gaining weight!  WHAT?!  Yep, I weighed myself this morning and I've gained almost 4 lbs since last Friday.. 

And with the mood I'm in, all I wanna do is call in to work and stay in bed all day long.. I'm resisting this urge, and hoping that my trip to the gym later today will help my mood.. I'm definitely not holding out hopes to not see a gain Friday.. I just want to hide somewhere right now.. and cry myself to sleep.. 

I was gonna say that I am able to buy some healthy groceries on Friday, thanks to my new client, but thanks to not paying my mom rent last week, my paycheck will pretty much be gone as soon as it comes in.. maybe next week.. my life is full of so many maybe's right now..

It's hot as HADES out there..

Whew!  I walked outside this morning to help my mom carry in groceries and almost told her to do it herself, bc it was sweltering outside.. and it was only 10 am.. but, of course, I didn't say that and did it.. HOLY COW!  How do people get their booties out there and walk or even run in this heat?!  I was reading Joanna's blog a few days ago and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head!  I'm a big fan of Spring and Fall weather.. just enough of both sides of the weather spectrum in those seasons that I don't get to be too lazy bc of temperatures.. Winter, I can even get out in that, bc like Joanna said, it's easier to get warmer than it is to get cooled off..

Summer?!  THIS summer?!  Don't even get me started, bc I'm sure it'll sound just like anything you've thought during the past few months.. lol.. I've used this weather as an excuse multiple times to get out of going outside to workout.. Hell, I can literally look out my window and see the lake I live by, so it wouldn't be too much trouble to go walk for a little bit.. but even going those few 100 feet to get there is like breathing water.. ugh!

But no more!!  Friday, I joined the gym!  Today, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 10 minutes on the treadmill!  Oh, treadmill how I have missed thee.. lol.. air conditioning, sweat dripping down my face, humidity-free air in my lungs.. woohoo!!

BTW, if you don't follow/read Joanna's blog, Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman, you really should.. :)

Is it REALLY August already?!

Seriously, I just gotta get this out of the way... 

WHERE THE HELL DID THE YEAR GO?!  

It freaks me out that in a little over 3 months I will turn 28.. 

IN MY PARENTS HOUSE!!  :(

Now on to our normal, non-freaking out, part of the post.. lol.. Today, if you haven't seen the calendar, is August 1st.. and I've decided that this is the perfect day to start things rolling.. I'm still broke, I'm still at the mercy (to a certain extent) of my mom for food, but I did get my gym membership, and started that on Friday.. I ACTUALLY woke up at 4:50am and went to the gym before going to work at 8am.. I was really proud of myself.. and it kept going today, but not like I'd planned..

Thanks to a migraine that wouldn't go away, I didn't get to the gym until 6ish, but I got to go to a Zumba class (which isn't really a Zumba class, more like a dance aerobics class sadly) and got my sweat on.. :)  I was there 10 minutes before I started breathing heavy and sweating profusely.. lol.. but I lasted almost the whole class, and I would have but I saw a friend that I've been trying to see for a while.. but I lasted 45 out of the 50 minutes.. I'm pretty happy with that.. and then I did 20 minutes on the elliptical machine and 4 sets of 15 on the lateral pull down machine.. :)  Get's rid of that back fat.. yay!!

Alright, so my last post was about my giveaway.. and I'm shocked to see that only 2 people have commented on it!  I have 109 followers, and out of all of those people, only 2 can use help getting financial help???  It's really simple to enter.. promise.. :)  So check it out!  You have until August 12th to enter..

I'M DOING A GIVEAWAY!!!

Okay, so this life is full of different things coming at us.. life is never easy and the more tools we have to keep ourselves in the black, the better.. on that note (if you understood it, bc I'm still kinda fuzzy as to if it makes sense.. lol), this giveaway is about financial independence.. :)

As many of you know, if you've been reading, I am trying to become financially responsible... and thanks to everyone's comments on FB (which I can now no longer find), I've decided that Dave Ramsey is the best option for me.. TODAY, I got the opportunity to get a free copy of his latest book, Total Money Makeover, by writing why I think I needed it.. :)

So, since he is getting multiple copies, I asked if I could have one to give away on here!!  and he said yes!  WOOHOO!  Well, if you would like to enter to win this book, all you have to do is what I did: Leave me a comment, about a paragraph in length, about why you need to get this book below.. IT MUST BE ON THIS ENTRY!!  No entries on other entries are going to be accepted (I don't wanna miss anyone).. It's that simple.. Of course you have to have a GoogleId to leave a comment, and I'd APPRECIATE the follow but it's not necessary.. :)

The deadline for comments will be August 12th @ 9pm!  So that gives you 2 weeks.. Good luck!  Oh, and I will be chosing the one to win personally.. I don't think it's fair to have you write something and it not be used for anything.. lol.. however, I promise to show no "favortism" or be swayed in any way to pick any certain person.. this is based on what your entry says..

Well, hmmm..

Okay, so I was asked what happened to me and my blog today.. and honestly, I can't answer that simply because it's not simple whatsoever..  Wanna know why?!  Well, since I just read Sabrina's blog, I'm gonna do a bullet list.. :)

* I'm broke and barely working..

* I'm barely working enough to cover my "rent", car payment, 

car insurance and gas.. aka my bare necessities..

* I can't afford to buy junk food, let alone healthy stuff..

* Due to lack of funds, I'm basically stuck at home..

* And due to being stuck at home, I've gotten SERIOUSLY lazy..

Now, what am I planning to do to fix all this, may you ask?!

* I've applied to my local YMCA for a financially assisted membership..

* I'm waiting (with bated breath) to hear if I got a better (40+/week) job..

* I'm trying not to eat too much junk..

* I've got an idea how to make myself get more stuff done.. more on that tomorrow..

* I'm trying to figure out the at-home working out thing.. I WANT A TREADMILL!!  :(

A big part of me (no pun intended) is wishing this would just be easy.. that I could just not pay attention to what I'm putting in my mouth, not do any activity and just lose the almost 80 lbs I need to lose.. Wouldn't that be AWESOME?!  and a flipping miracle!?  And there is my laziness again!!

I'm thinking, with my ADHD brain (which unfortunately has made me a "late bloomer" with most things in life), I may have to go high school with this weight loss issue (and yes, I'm going to stop calling this a journey.. A journey implies it's a nice thing.. Nope, this isn't a nice thing.. it's a pain in my ass!!  So this is an issue to me, and one I plan to get a hold of starting today).. The plan?!  To get EVERY Victoria's Secret, Cosmo, Glamour, Fitness and Shape magazine that I own and cut out all the pretty people and clothes I aspire to look like/fit into when I get slimmer and putting them on a poster board above my refrigerator..  See, told ya it was going high school.. lol..

OH!  and I plan to buy a full length mirror (a cheapy for now) and put it somewhere so I HAVE to see my full self multiple times a day.. I think that's half my issue.. as long as my face looks good (which I still only have one chin despite gaining weight), I'm telling myself it's okay.. IT ENDS NOW!!  I'm off to go break out the scissors and magazines.. :)

Mistakes..

We all make them, right?!

Well, I've been racking up my mistakes like pennies in a jar..

UGH!!

I know that I shouldn't live in the past.. but things in the present make me think back to the past.. like last night, I went to the county fair with my BFF and her kiddos.. we had a pretty good time.. and yes, I made sure I got my funnel cake.. but then I ran into a guy I dated with his son.. and I just wished so bad I hadn't screwed that up.. Honestly, he's one of those "I wanna go back in time and make sure I don't do it again" kinda mistakes.. I was so unhappy with myself when we started dating (and really jaded) that I just screwed it up before it had any room to go anywhere.. WTF?!

Why oh why do we screw things up when we really want them?!  I am not alone in this feeling.. I have a friend who is at this point now.. and we both deserve happiness.. don't we all?!  Of course, this guy that I'm talking about is dating someone (I'm prettier.. and yes, I feel a teeny bit bad for saying that).. and it doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon, so I'm back to wishing from afar (not really, but it sounded better than "giving up")..

----------------------

Now, onto the weight related part of this post.. As I write this, I'm eating mini marshmallows.. Yep, and underneath it lays my newest issue of Fitness magazine.. The irony is not lost on me.. But I honestly am so stressed out that trying to fix my food issues right now would prolly push me over the proverbial edge.. I AM however working out a way to afford my gym near my house.. I'm hoping that I can get started soon, seeing as I've been working so much and should be able to afford the joining fee..

I am currently dealing with my TOM, which means that NOTHING fits me correctly and I'm craving marshmallows.. ugh!  I can't wait to get health insurance and get checked out for endometriosis or PCOS..  All of this cannot be normal.. but that's another issue all together.. lol

Tomorrow is my weigh in.. and as you can imagine, I'm NOT looking forward to it..  I wish life were simple at least 60% of the time.. right now, for every good thing that happens in my life, two bad things happen (big or small).. did I mention I had a job interview at a hospital I REALLY want to get on at this morning?!  Yeah, and from what all she said (giving me pretty specific time lines and saying that while someone else makes the decision, she has the final word) I should be hearing back from them soon.. and then I get a letter in the mail saying my car insurance was being cancelled because I didn't give them info about MY MOM!!  WTF?!  1. I never got a letter saying they needed said info and 2. What's my mom got to do with MY car insurance?!  

I got it figured out, I think.. but still, it should never have happened..  My luck is just nuts!!