Friday, February 14, 2014

Admitting Defeat

Not sure how to start this entry, so I'll just start with the facts..

Living with ADD is hard!!

You've got the skeptics..
You've got the true disbelievers..
You've got the confused people..
And most of us with ADD/ADHD have to deal with them everyday..

I was looking for ADD/ADHD memes to make this entry a little more "colorful" (aka less words, more funny pics), and found this piece above.. This kind of thinking makes me see red..  If this was true, I'd be totally "normal" because I was blessed to have a stay at home mom for most of my younger childhood (who spanked me and loved me) and we had good food to eat, not lots of processed crap.. 

I realize that in the society we are in now, parents want the easy answers to why their kids are the way they are.. And doctors seem to want to give it to them.. I get that.. But ADD/ADHD is a honest to God problem..  One that I personally have tried to take on without medication several different times..

This last time was right before my surgery.. I'd stopped taking my Vyvanse right before my VSG surgery (11/07/13), in hopes that my weight loss would help with my energy and concentration issues..  And it did.. For about a year.. Then I got to a place my body was comfortable with, weight wise, and then I started noticing how "lazy" I was getting.. This was about 6 months ago..

** To anyone reading this, please know that I am a HYPOactive ADDer.. I am in no way a ADHDer because of my HYPOactivity.. Just wanted to throw that out there **

I am a very creative person.. I have a craft room that has all sorts of goodies in it.. And I hadn't touched it in a while.. Don't get me wrong, like most ADDers, I'd get bursts of creativity randomly, but they'd never last very long and I'd start something and not finish it.. You should see my bucket of "unfinished projects" (I had to get a bigger bucket because the other one was overflowing).. It's ridiculous..

I can sit somewhere and let 2 hours pass before I realize I have accomplished nothing.. I will have a list of things to do (lists are SUPER important to ADD/ADHDers) and they won't matter because my brain has gone into "zone out" mode.. Totally unintentional, but it happens..

I have a very active job.. I work in an Emergency Room for heavens sake.. I love it, because while you do the same things almost all the time, it's in a variety of ways (and with a serious variety of people) that don't make it boring.. This job is perfect for me, for now..  I also only work 3-12 hour shifts (instead of the 5-8 hour shifts that I'd grown to hate in my previous jobs), so I have time to recoup..

I started noticing that I was letting things "slip" at work.. I was falling into old habits, such as sitting around when there was stuff I could have been doing.. Reasoning with myself that I would do it later, then forgetting about it..  I could tell some of my coworkers were starting to see it too, which I hated the most.. We all want to be liked, right?!

SO....... I finally admitted defeat with my "battle" and went to see the doctor about getting back on my Vyvanse.. I used to be on 50mg, but with my stomach being 25% the size of a normal stomach now, I wanted to start off at the bottom and see if that worked..  I'm also seeing a new doctor, so I was worried that he'd think I was a "drug seeker" or something.. He was perfectly nice and agreed that a low dose was a good idea and we'd work up to more if I needed it..

I have, of course, already seen improvements.. I'm just hoping they stick around so I don't have to up my mg's, but if I do I will..


My hope in writing these ADD posts is that someone SOMEWHERE will read it and realize that they are not alone.. Or that it's completely normal, what they are going through.. If I help one person realize that living with ADD/ADHD isn't completely horrible, I'm grateful..  If anyone out there has any questions about ADD/ADHD, please feel free to leave a comment, or email me at