Weigh In..

Okay, so I weighed in this morning to make sure that I was making SOME kind of progress.. and I was shocked!!

Last Weeks Weight: 257.0 lbs

This Weeks Weight: 245.6 lbs

Difference: -11.4 lbs

WHAT?!  WOW!!  I seriously was expecting 5 to 7 lbs.. Not 11.4.. This is great though!  Means that I am doing the right thing.. I will give up ALL the cupcakes now to be able to enjoy ONE in the future..  I'm so excited.. My size 18 jeans that I bought less than a week ago are now unflatteringly baggy, so since I've only worn them twice, I'm going to see if I can exchange them for size 16.. If not, then I'll buy the size 16 and sell the size 18's in our yard sale next weekend..

YEAH, there's another point.. we are having our yard sale (FINALLY) next weekend.. WOOHOO!  I'll get to get rid of my junk in my bedroom finally!  and possibly make a little money.. enough to cover my car insurance due in a couple weeks.. :)  Well, I'm off to go see my little niece.. She cut her first tooth a couple days ago, and I can't wait to see her smile now.. Oh, and btw, Kris over at KrisGetsHealthy.com is doing a giveaway because she's lost an amazing 180 lbs.. check it out and enter.. :)

Savings, Savings, Savings..

Well, as I've said before, I am trying to save money for a lot of reasons.. Mostly for the NKOTB Cruise in June, but for other reasons too.. I plan to start saving hard core after the 2nd of September.. As in, anything I make over $300 I plan to put directly into a savings account from ING Direct..  I've already opened the account, and I've made sure that I can't get to it unless I transfer money from it.. No Debit Cards, no checks, NOTHING!  I don't plan to touch this money unless it's for an emergency or a bill I was saving for..

I've been reading Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover" ever since I got the book to give away.. and I've gotten to the point where I understand it's gonna take some serious spending starvation to do this.. but I'm young, and I CAN do it.. BUT, it says that I need to make my debts current, and that isn't where I'm at right now.. so my plan?!  To call my creditors and work with them on getting current.. There aren't that many that aren't current, but with fees and crap, it's hard to get current, so I'm hoping they'll work with me on it all.. :)

Well, seeing as I'm at work, and this post has been "saved" for 3 days, I think this is done for now.. Have a good day!!

My Green Thumb..

So I could have SWORN I have blogged about my garden before today.. Honestly, I guess I posted about it on FB and not on here.. Oops!  Well, here's the recap..

** After months of thinking about it, I decided to plant a garden in my back yard.. After waiting for my dad to fix up my "plot", he and my brother finally got it up and running, so to speak, on Memorial Day weeekend.. :)

** After getting only enough soil to start half of my garden (I'm broke and a newbie), I had to skip putting in the flowers.. :(  I've learned that lesson, and planted the following plants in my garden:

~ cantaloupe (2 different kinds)

~ heirloom tomatoes

~ cherry tomatoes

~green peppers

~ everbearing strawberries

~ cucumbers

** I did a little bit of research before planting stuff, like on what to plant at the time I was planting, how to get them to grow big and healthy, stuff like that.. So I got some paper shreddings from my client for my tomatoes, and egg casings for them too.. I DIDN'T, however, see that cantaloupes were a climbing fruit.. so they kind of took over my garden (see above picture)..

** Thankfully since starting most of these from plants bought from Walmart or Home Depot, the only plant that didn't flourish were my cucumber plants.. :(  oh, and my strawberries didn't produce more than 3 edible strawberries this year.. BUT the good thing about them is that they are supposedly perrenials so they should stick around for a long time, as long as I don't kill them.. lol

** I recently had to transplant my green pepper plants into a container, because the tomato plants were taking all their sunlight.. and they are doing well now.. I was worried because their roots were so buried in the soil that I didn't know if I'd taken a big enough amount of them to get them to continue to grow and eventually produce more fruit.. Well, looks like I worried for nothing..

** I FINALLY got the rest of my bed filled with soil and compost a couple of weeks ago.. then I tried my hand at planting cucumbers again.. They have flowered, so we'll see if it was too late or not.. :)

** Now that Fall is around the corner, I'm looking into compost heaps, turning a part of my shed into a green house (because I can't put my seedlings in my house, too many nosy cats.. lol), and what seeds to start/what to plant for fall.. I'm excited to get my hands dirty, literally, and produce a lot more fruits and veggies.. :)

Finding Who I Am.. Week 2..

Well, this was supposed to be done on Friday, but thanks to picking up an extra shift, and working too much over the weekend, I kinda forgot.. BUT I remembered today while I was looking at a baking magazine.. :)

** I downloaded an app a few months ago to help me learn how to sign (back when I was babysitting little kids and taught them some basics).. It has videos (which is how I learn best) and has 500+ words that I can learn.  I love it!  I try to learn at least 2 words a day, and put them together as much as I can during my day.. So far, I've learned "why" "what" "milk" "mother" "father" "baby".. among other words..

** I am currently on a waiting list for the NKOTB Cruise.. I don't care who makes fun of me (because some will), but I am going to do what it takes to go on this cruise.. and I also am planning to go to more concerts.. all sorts of concerts, to find out what else I like to listen to..

** I realized last Tuesday that I listen to the same two radio stations when I'm in my car.. both Pop radio stations.. and while there is nothing wrong with Pop music, but it's kinda all the same anymore.. I realized this on Tuesday because I was at work driving my client to an appointment and he turned the station to a rock station.. and I actually found songs that I loved on there!  I downloaded them onto my iPod as soon as I got home.. I also listen to Lite 106.9 (soft rock/pop music) too, since I love late 80's/early 90's music.. :)

Not too much last week that went into finding who I am.. I attribute that to working too much, and the stress of realizing I've gained so much weight over the past year.. I will be back on Friday for week 3.. It's been a productive week.. :)

Well, I'm Excited..

I have recently decided that I am going to go on the NKOTB Cruise in June of 2012.. I blogged about it in my FMM post earlier today, but only that I'd recently downloaded an app to help keep track of the days left til it disembarks.. :)  I'm so excited!!  But I plan to keep one of them on a special page to keep up with any information I post regarding it.. Such as my savings for the trip, the countdown and other things I've found..

But to keep up with other cruisers (as I'm technically on a waitlist, but all of the waitlisters got called last year, so it's basically a waiting game right now), I am part of several groups and following several twitter BH's (Block Head's).. :)

I'm using this cruise as the motivation to keep me going this time.. I plan to take a picture later tonight in the bikini I have that will prolly go with me (among others.. lol) on this cruise.. And then plan to take updated pics every Friday night.. This way I can "flip" through them and see my progress..

Some of you are prolly asking, what if you don't get that call???  Well, since I'm not planning to get a call for a couple of months (some people didn't get the call til the month before the cruise), I am not sweating it.. I still need to come up with the $300 deposit that, if they call before Nov. 29th, I will be required to pay.. Then the next $800 if the call after that date.. So the more time I have, the better..

But if I don't get that call and don't get to go on this cruise, I will take a beach vacation.. I figure it will be the perfect "ultimate" goal, either way.. So here's to the next 290 days.. I figure I can lose almost all of the 80 lbs I got to lose by then..

OH!  Gotta show you the picture I found on one of the groups I belong to for the cruise..

It's Monday, Which Means..

It's Friend Makin' Monday..  :)

If you've never seen this, check out Kenlie's blog for the rules (it's seriously simple) and play along.. 

FMM: The Last Thing

1) What is the title of the last book you read?  I'm currently reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.. Gotta get my finances in order..
 
2) What is the last movie you saw in a theater? I saw The Change Up on Saturday with one of my besties.. :)

3) Briefly describe the last person you saw today.  Um, I guess it's a tie between my mom and dad.. lol.. I just saw both of them.. My dad is a dorky almost 50 year old dad, and my mom is a wonderful 47 year old mom.. :)

4) Which store did you most recently shop in?  Well, I did go shopping on Friday.. It was at the Disney Store.. I love that store..

5) Who’s the last person you spoke to over the phone? My grandma.. She was giving me instructions to pass onto my dad..


6) Where’s the last place you vacationed? What's a vay-cay-tion?!  Haha.. my last vacation was when I was 20.. :(

7) When was the last time you kissed someone of the opposite sex?  good gravy.. now I'm depressed.. lol

8) What’s the last thing that made you laugh?  This survey..

9) What’s the latest app that you downloaded on your phone?  Countdown Widget.. I'm counting down the days til the New Kids on the Block Cruise 2012.. 290 days!!  YAY!!

10) What’s the last kind thing you did for someone?  I did my breakfast dishes instead of leaving them for my mom to do.. 

Denial..

It ain't just a river in egypt.. haha.. okay, that's the joke of the day, now on to the serious stuff..

Erin @ Erin's 6 Month Transformation left me a comment that hit the nail on the head, so to speak.. I have been in denial for a long time.. I didn't know until now how much though.. She pointed out that about 1 year ago I weighed in at 233 lbs.. I've gained 24 lbs in the past year!!  WHAT THE HELL?!  Seriously?!  How did I not realize this??

I seriously was reading her comment and after seeing that I wanted to go cry.. not because of anything she wrote, but because she is right.. if I had a printer here, I'd print off the comment right now and post it to my wall.. guess it'll have to wait til I get home..

Honestly, the only difference between me now and me then (besides the 24 extra lbs) is my meds.. I was taking my ADHD and anxiety meds.. and that's not a financial option right now.. So I'm going to have to overcompensate for these being gone.. 

But as I'm learning from Dave Ramsey (that's another blog totally) the time/energy put into my present will make my future that much better.. I need to give up the "fun" foods/stuff now to be able to enjoy them later when i'm skinnier.. does that make sense??

Btw, THANK YOU ERIN!! I appreciate you giving me a wake up call.. :)

Wow..

I was honestly expecting to see a number around 255.. well, I saw one, but it wasn't on the right side of 255.. I weighed in this morning before my shower at:

257.0 lbs

WOW!!  That's the heaviest I've been in YEARS!!  This shows me how out of control I've let myself get.. I've gotten too lazy.. Today, I got myself out of bed at 5am to shower and then GROCERY SHOP!!  But I can't get my butt out of bed at 7:30 am to go to the gym?!  No more!!  I also miss my group of supporters around me.. Katie and Katelyn, I MISS YOUR MOTIVATION (and friendship, of course)!!  I've got to start working on this.. TODAY!!  

I've got to tell myself that this isn't meant to be easy.. If I want easy, I should just stop now and continue gaining weight (which isn't an option).. I saw a quote somewhere (sorry, I see so many I can't keep track) that said "If you don't fight for yourself, who will??"  I agree!  So here's to taking this fight seriously!!  

Off I go to work..

Reasons..

For those who are wondering why I have/am doing the Atkins Diet..

My face won't stop breaking out.. and they say that chocolate doesn't create zits!! 
Of course not, but the worse I eat, the worse my face gets..

The redness on the right is my excema.. wahoo.. the worse I eat and the bigger I get,
the worse this gets.. this is in addition to the changing weather.. right now, I'm one big
bundle of itchiness.. can we say "Buy stock in Cortaid"?!

Me and my bed have gotten WAY to familiar with each other..
I see it more than I see my mother, whom I LIVE WITH!! 
I'd like to cut back on our time together..

Pre-Weigh In Post..

I am going into tomorrow's weigh in expecting a gain.. I weighed myself yesterday (at night) and it said 257.6.. which shocked me.. A LOT!  Enough to where I'm pretty sure this is rock bottom for me.. If that is my true weight, then I'll accept it and change what I'm doing..  But after looking into my pantry, can you blame me for why I gained?!

I'm not sure why I thought that, during all this craziness in my life, I could really do something as loosely regimented as Weight Watchers.. I should know by now that I need something that says "You can't eat this.. You can eat this.."  I need those limits for now.. I need to know that it is not a good idea to eat a Twinkie (which I just did).. 

Me and sugar are frenemies, I guess.. I love sugar.. but I can do without it.. There are enough substitutes in the world that I can live without it for as long as I need to.. Sadly, part of me (a small part) wishes I had the surgical option.. Yeah, FOR ME it'd be the easy way out.. But it'd be nice to know that my stomach was teeny tiny and actually get results.. ugh!  And another small part of me wants to go to the store and buy up those pills that some Reality TV star is endorsing..

But that's not the way I want to do this.. I want to do this on my own (as in without medicinal help).. Most of my issue is boredom eating, I realize this now.. I eat because my brain isn't occupied enough to stay away from the idea of chewing.. I also sleep WAY TOO MUCH!! If I don't take care of myself, then who is?! 

Update on August Goals..

Well, I figured since it is the middle of the month that I would go over how I'm coming in my August goals..

** Get full-time job

Well, I didn't get the full-time job I was hoping for, but rumor has it I might be getting another job that is part-time hours (with the eventuality of full-time hours).. My main goal of getting a full-time job was to get benefits, and this part-time job would have those.. 

 

** Join a gym

DONE!!  While I'm still trying to figure out a schedule that works for me and my stupid sleep schedule (aka my impromptu naps that I seem to need want).. but I'm working on it..

 

** Start saving money in ING savings account

Yeah, this really can't financially happen until I get that other job, so this prolly won't happen in the next two weeks.. :(

** Lose 1lb per week

Umm, I DID lose 1.2 lbs last week, but I haven't lost 2 lbs yet.. I'm holding out hope to still come out with a 4 lb loss this month.. :)

Finding Who I Am.. Week One

Well, after realizing that I have no idea who I am as a person, I have made some big strides in getting back into the things I enjoy..  Here's just a few of them from this past week..

** I love reading!  Not just any kind of reading, but I love to read supernatural romance books..

I just finished "Retribution" in two days.. I love when I get that into a book.. And I haven't done that in so long, for some reason or another.. Well, no more.. I will make sure I read more from now on.. :)


** I broke out my sewing machine again!  After having to stow it away in my closet because I haven't used it in forever, I decided to bring it out again and start working on stuff that I wanted to make, but never got to.. Sewing is not something that has to take a big lump of time, it's something that I can do with small lumps of time.. So I plan to start sewing again.. :)

** After watching a Switched At Birth marathon on ABC Family (I missed the whole season so I DVR'd it earlier this week) and realizing that I was doing some of the signs during the show, I've decided to get back into learning American Sign Language..  I've got the books, I've even got an app from when I was teaching the kiddos I watched sign language.. I figure if I can take some time out of each day to sign a little, it'll be easier.. :)

** The majority of my problem finding myself is my wardrobe.. The majority of it is from high school/college years.. And while there is nothing wrong with that during the time I stay at home, I should not be going out of my house everyday in stuff that isn't fashionable in some way.. Sorry, chics, but Phi Sig shirts only look cute for so long.. I'm starting small by breaking out my cute headbands, seeing as I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe right now (or even a pair of pants.. lol)..

Well, that's all I've really worked on this week, but it's a lot.. Hopefully I'll have some more to brag about next Friday.. :)

Disappointed, Enthusiastic and Energized..

Well, my blog title actually is about three different things.. Which I will explain, in detail.. Who woulda guessed, right?! Hehe..

I'm disappointed because:

Out of all of my followers, only 3 people left comments..  So either my giveaway post got lost in the shuffle of Google Readers everywhere (lol) or there are a lot more people that are financially stable than I originally thought..  I'm not even thinking that people just don't read my blog anymore (gasp!).. BUT, after reading the comments and identifying with one comment in particular, I've decided on a winner!  :)  Tori @ A Journey To A New Me.. left the following comment:

I totally want this book please! I've heard great things about the author but have yet to invest in the book (I have it saved on my wish list for nook). I am attempting to become more financially "responsible" (I can be a bit spendy, which I am trying to curb) and want to better plan for the future. I have some financial goals written down but in todays economy I'm easily overwhelmed (which sometimes leads to emotional spending). I would love to have this book to hear his ideas and set some things into motion...and possibly avoid feeling over whelmed when I hear Washington DC folks talk! thanks..

So congratulations Tori.. Check your email and send me your address.. as soon as I get it, I'll have your book to you.. :)

I'm enthusiastic because:

My TOM is over and this morning (after forgetting to weigh in before I ate) I weighed in at 251.6lbs.. That's a 1.2 lb loss!!  WOOHOO!!  I'm not sure if I wrote about it, but I got my Weight Watchers PointsPlus books back from Katie and decided to do WW on my own (until I could afford to do the online part).. So while I'm having some issues (such as night time scavaging), I'm doing things to make it go the right way.. DOWN!!  :)

I'm energized because:

While I didn't get the job that I'd hoped for, I may be in line for one that is more suited for me in the long run.. My mom (who works for the company I was interviewing with) talked with her boss (the one who'd hire me) and said that they thought the older lady was a better fit with the Hospice team.. which makes sense, I guess.. BUT she also said that they were going to be hiring for a Part Time Home Health Aide and that I'd more than likely be hired straight away for this position.. :)  So this means I might actually work with my mom!  I'm excited to see if this pans out, because I'm really sick of driving 35 miles/day for a 4 hour shift.. 

So I'm off to go watch the Princess Bride and get ready for my weekend of 12 hour shifts.. Hope you all have a great weekend!  :)

Revelation..

For those who have me bookmarked and don't have to look at my blog address at all, or those who happen to find me by chance (bc y'all are great too), my blog address states this: Finding My Fab Self com.. Well, I had a revelation today that made me think that this blog has gotten very one dimensional.. There is nothing wrong with that, per say.. but I realized today that I have no idea who I am.. I've been coasting through life for a long time.. prolly years.. It changes now! I'm done just surviving each day.. I want to LIVE life.. with no regrets.. Because right now, I have bunches.. It was Christina Hendricks, well her August interview in Lucky Magazine, that made me realize all this.. so, Mrs. Hendricks, THANK YOU! I really hate that I have cute stuff, accessories and clothes, that I don't wear because I work all the time.. but it's not going to get dirty.. and most of it is modest, so what's the harm, right?! And I'm going to work on posting more pics.. bc honestly, we all love pictures, don't we?! :) OH! just a little blip.. don't forget about my giveaway I'm doing!! check it out!

I Loathe..

Being a woman (most of the time)!

Just an FYI, this is going to be a girls only kind of post... so if you are a guy, and you chose to continue reading, you have been warned.. lol

Well, I found out one reason why I gained those 3 lbs.. my period decided to come 3 days early!! WTF?! I've never been regular, but I'd started to get to a pretty predictable timeframe.. but this month, I'm off kilter.. prolly thanks to all the stress I've got right now.. Well, hopefully with good eating patterns and exercise, I'll show a loss next Friday.. fingers crossed..

Another reason I loathe being a woman is cramps.. I can't wait to get a job with benefits.. so I can actually go to a dr and find out why my cramps hurt so bad.. this sucks.. :(

Well, I'm off to work 8 more hours.. ttfn!

Wow.. Just Wow..

Today is one of those pity party days, so please bear with me..  

I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday.. but I do plan to go straight after work, so hopefully I'll only miss yesterday.. why haven't I been going like I originally planned to, in the mornings?  Bc I'm slipping into a deep dark hole that I really am trying not to slide into.. All of this job stuff is stressing me out.. and in return, I am gaining weight!  WHAT?!  Yep, I weighed myself this morning and I've gained almost 4 lbs since last Friday.. 

And with the mood I'm in, all I wanna do is call in to work and stay in bed all day long.. I'm resisting this urge, and hoping that my trip to the gym later today will help my mood.. I'm definitely not holding out hopes to not see a gain Friday.. I just want to hide somewhere right now.. and cry myself to sleep.. 

I was gonna say that I am able to buy some healthy groceries on Friday, thanks to my new client, but thanks to not paying my mom rent last week, my paycheck will pretty much be gone as soon as it comes in.. maybe next week.. my life is full of so many maybe's right now..

It's hot as HADES out there..

Whew!  I walked outside this morning to help my mom carry in groceries and almost told her to do it herself, bc it was sweltering outside.. and it was only 10 am.. but, of course, I didn't say that and did it.. HOLY COW!  How do people get their booties out there and walk or even run in this heat?!  I was reading Joanna's blog a few days ago and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head!  I'm a big fan of Spring and Fall weather.. just enough of both sides of the weather spectrum in those seasons that I don't get to be too lazy bc of temperatures.. Winter, I can even get out in that, bc like Joanna said, it's easier to get warmer than it is to get cooled off..

Summer?!  THIS summer?!  Don't even get me started, bc I'm sure it'll sound just like anything you've thought during the past few months.. lol.. I've used this weather as an excuse multiple times to get out of going outside to workout.. Hell, I can literally look out my window and see the lake I live by, so it wouldn't be too much trouble to go walk for a little bit.. but even going those few 100 feet to get there is like breathing water.. ugh!

But no more!!  Friday, I joined the gym!  Today, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 10 minutes on the treadmill!  Oh, treadmill how I have missed thee.. lol.. air conditioning, sweat dripping down my face, humidity-free air in my lungs.. woohoo!!

BTW, if you don't follow/read Joanna's blog, Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman, you really should.. :)

Is it REALLY August already?!

Seriously, I just gotta get this out of the way... 

WHERE THE HELL DID THE YEAR GO?!  

It freaks me out that in a little over 3 months I will turn 28.. 

IN MY PARENTS HOUSE!!  :(

Now on to our normal, non-freaking out, part of the post.. lol.. Today, if you haven't seen the calendar, is August 1st.. and I've decided that this is the perfect day to start things rolling.. I'm still broke, I'm still at the mercy (to a certain extent) of my mom for food, but I did get my gym membership, and started that on Friday.. I ACTUALLY woke up at 4:50am and went to the gym before going to work at 8am.. I was really proud of myself.. and it kept going today, but not like I'd planned..

Thanks to a migraine that wouldn't go away, I didn't get to the gym until 6ish, but I got to go to a Zumba class (which isn't really a Zumba class, more like a dance aerobics class sadly) and got my sweat on.. :)  I was there 10 minutes before I started breathing heavy and sweating profusely.. lol.. but I lasted almost the whole class, and I would have but I saw a friend that I've been trying to see for a while.. but I lasted 45 out of the 50 minutes.. I'm pretty happy with that.. and then I did 20 minutes on the elliptical machine and 4 sets of 15 on the lateral pull down machine.. :)  Get's rid of that back fat.. yay!!

Alright, so my last post was about my giveaway.. and I'm shocked to see that only 2 people have commented on it!  I have 109 followers, and out of all of those people, only 2 can use help getting financial help???  It's really simple to enter.. promise.. :)  So check it out!  You have until August 12th to enter..