I have been debating on writing about this for a while.. and now, it got to me a few days ago, so here I am to talk about it.. :)
So, we all have different perceptions of the world.. it makes us interesting, the way we see things differently than others.. and perception is a big issue with weight loss, I think.. some people are lucky to have an accurate perception of themselves.. they see that they are bigger/skinnier than they 'should' be or they think they are beautiful the way they are..
I wish I had that ability to love myself.. and no, i'm not looking for the 'your beautiful' comments.. but I don't love my outward self fat.. is that a bad thing?? I think my personality is better (more prominent) whether i'm big or skinnier, but I think I look DAMN GOOD when i'm smaller..
I say this a lot, and I wonder if people understand what I mean.. 'there are pretty fat people, and there are people who just don't look good fat'.. my mom is one of those ladies who look good bigger.. I AM NOT! I need definition in my face to feel pretty, I need to see I have cheekbones (which disappear when I gain weight)..
My mom, bless her heart, doesn't see why I feel this way.. which is ok, but i'm getting sick of explaining why I do feel this way.. lol.. I don't WANT to be 'happy' with myself being fat.. is that so hard to imagine?!
Wow, I think this entry kinda went off track.. lol