I'M DOING A GIVEAWAY!!!

Okay, so this life is full of different things coming at us.. life is never easy and the more tools we have to keep ourselves in the black, the better.. on that note (if you understood it, bc I'm still kinda fuzzy as to if it makes sense.. lol), this giveaway is about financial independence.. :)

As many of you know, if you've been reading, I am trying to become financially responsible... and thanks to everyone's comments on FB (which I can now no longer find), I've decided that Dave Ramsey is the best option for me.. TODAY, I got the opportunity to get a free copy of his latest book, Total Money Makeover, by writing why I think I needed it.. :)

So, since he is getting multiple copies, I asked if I could have one to give away on here!!  and he said yes!  WOOHOO!  Well, if you would like to enter to win this book, all you have to do is what I did: Leave me a comment, about a paragraph in length, about why you need to get this book below.. IT MUST BE ON THIS ENTRY!!  No entries on other entries are going to be accepted (I don't wanna miss anyone).. It's that simple.. Of course you have to have a GoogleId to leave a comment, and I'd APPRECIATE the follow but it's not necessary.. :)

The deadline for comments will be August 12th @ 9pm!  So that gives you 2 weeks.. Good luck!  Oh, and I will be chosing the one to win personally.. I don't think it's fair to have you write something and it not be used for anything.. lol.. however, I promise to show no "favortism" or be swayed in any way to pick any certain person.. this is based on what your entry says..

Well, hmmm..

Okay, so I was asked what happened to me and my blog today.. and honestly, I can't answer that simply because it's not simple whatsoever..  Wanna know why?!  Well, since I just read Sabrina's blog, I'm gonna do a bullet list.. :)

* I'm broke and barely working..

* I'm barely working enough to cover my "rent", car payment, 

car insurance and gas.. aka my bare necessities..

* I can't afford to buy junk food, let alone healthy stuff..

* Due to lack of funds, I'm basically stuck at home..

* And due to being stuck at home, I've gotten SERIOUSLY lazy..

Now, what am I planning to do to fix all this, may you ask?!

* I've applied to my local YMCA for a financially assisted membership..

* I'm waiting (with bated breath) to hear if I got a better (40+/week) job..

* I'm trying not to eat too much junk..

* I've got an idea how to make myself get more stuff done.. more on that tomorrow..

* I'm trying to figure out the at-home working out thing.. I WANT A TREADMILL!!  :(

A big part of me (no pun intended) is wishing this would just be easy.. that I could just not pay attention to what I'm putting in my mouth, not do any activity and just lose the almost 80 lbs I need to lose.. Wouldn't that be AWESOME?!  and a flipping miracle!?  And there is my laziness again!!

I'm thinking, with my ADHD brain (which unfortunately has made me a "late bloomer" with most things in life), I may have to go high school with this weight loss issue (and yes, I'm going to stop calling this a journey.. A journey implies it's a nice thing.. Nope, this isn't a nice thing.. it's a pain in my ass!!  So this is an issue to me, and one I plan to get a hold of starting today).. The plan?!  To get EVERY Victoria's Secret, Cosmo, Glamour, Fitness and Shape magazine that I own and cut out all the pretty people and clothes I aspire to look like/fit into when I get slimmer and putting them on a poster board above my refrigerator..  See, told ya it was going high school.. lol..

OH!  and I plan to buy a full length mirror (a cheapy for now) and put it somewhere so I HAVE to see my full self multiple times a day.. I think that's half my issue.. as long as my face looks good (which I still only have one chin despite gaining weight), I'm telling myself it's okay.. IT ENDS NOW!!  I'm off to go break out the scissors and magazines.. :)

Mistakes..

We all make them, right?!

Well, I've been racking up my mistakes like pennies in a jar..

UGH!!

I know that I shouldn't live in the past.. but things in the present make me think back to the past.. like last night, I went to the county fair with my BFF and her kiddos.. we had a pretty good time.. and yes, I made sure I got my funnel cake.. but then I ran into a guy I dated with his son.. and I just wished so bad I hadn't screwed that up.. Honestly, he's one of those "I wanna go back in time and make sure I don't do it again" kinda mistakes.. I was so unhappy with myself when we started dating (and really jaded) that I just screwed it up before it had any room to go anywhere.. WTF?!

Why oh why do we screw things up when we really want them?!  I am not alone in this feeling.. I have a friend who is at this point now.. and we both deserve happiness.. don't we all?!  Of course, this guy that I'm talking about is dating someone (I'm prettier.. and yes, I feel a teeny bit bad for saying that).. and it doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon, so I'm back to wishing from afar (not really, but it sounded better than "giving up")..

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Now, onto the weight related part of this post.. As I write this, I'm eating mini marshmallows.. Yep, and underneath it lays my newest issue of Fitness magazine.. The irony is not lost on me.. But I honestly am so stressed out that trying to fix my food issues right now would prolly push me over the proverbial edge.. I AM however working out a way to afford my gym near my house.. I'm hoping that I can get started soon, seeing as I've been working so much and should be able to afford the joining fee..

I am currently dealing with my TOM, which means that NOTHING fits me correctly and I'm craving marshmallows.. ugh!  I can't wait to get health insurance and get checked out for endometriosis or PCOS..  All of this cannot be normal.. but that's another issue all together.. lol

Tomorrow is my weigh in.. and as you can imagine, I'm NOT looking forward to it..  I wish life were simple at least 60% of the time.. right now, for every good thing that happens in my life, two bad things happen (big or small).. did I mention I had a job interview at a hospital I REALLY want to get on at this morning?!  Yeah, and from what all she said (giving me pretty specific time lines and saying that while someone else makes the decision, she has the final word) I should be hearing back from them soon.. and then I get a letter in the mail saying my car insurance was being cancelled because I didn't give them info about MY MOM!!  WTF?!  1. I never got a letter saying they needed said info and 2. What's my mom got to do with MY car insurance?!  

I got it figured out, I think.. but still, it should never have happened..  My luck is just nuts!!

Putting My BG Panties On..

Yeah, you read that right.. I'm putting my Big Girl panties on.. and no, not literally.. but I've kinda been living with my head in the sand about some things, financial things, and it's time that I try to fix them (or at least attempt to)..

I don't have that much debt.. I have a few store credit cards, some medical bills, and a lot of student loans.. my credit cards are not anymore than $600 each, and my medical bills aren't even close to that, but my student loans.. WOW!  I don't even like looking at the zeroes attached to that bill.. :(

And yet, even making $500 a week (which I was at one point making), I never paid everything on time.. Honestly, I didn't care sometimes.. I know, I'm irresponsible.. which is partly why I'm not trying to date.. Who wants to date someone with so much bad judgement!?  This is a rhetorical question, btw.. lol.. I don't care what you say, once a guy finds out that I'd rather shop than pay my bills, he's gonna run for the hills.. 

Yes, I know I need to go see a therapist.. admit it, some of you are thinking that I need help.. and I'll be right there agreeing with you.. but I've noticed that there aren't many FREE or CHEAP therapists around me.. :(  So I'm going to do this on my own.. well, kinda.. I plan to look for books on how to pay off my debt with what little money I have..

So if you have any good "get out of debt" books or websites for me, I'd be eternally grateful.. :)

Ending on a Good Note..

Well, it's 10:30pm my time.. and I'm 3.5 for 4 on my goals for today.. I say 3.5 because I only did 14 minutes of cardio today.. :(  BUT, I figure it's a good jumping off point.. and I may just try to do 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes after work because my attention span with working out outside is HORRIBLE!  I was bored at 8 minutes.. lol.. I got the Shake Weight workout and the crunches done before work today.. and my abs are sore and my arms are burning.. YAY!!  lol.. Now, if I could just get my eating under control.. and as I write this, I'm tossing my peanut butter in the trash!   Me and peanut butter have a love hate relationship.. I love it SO much, but it doesn't love me in a good way.. :(   Buh bye peanut butter.. lol..

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OH!! I totally forgot to blog about this.. and I have NO IDEA how! lol.. Despite my lack of funds, I got tickets to the NKOTBSB concert on July 20th!!!!  I say tickets because I got one for me and one for my BFF, Manda.. thanks to a handy credit card that I plan to pay back before it's August due date, me and my BFF get to see all those guys!!  I'm so excited!!  Now, I really wish I could say I did this because I met a goal.. Nope, I just really wanted to go.. nothing more..

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Alrighty, so I figured out why I was going over my calories the past few days.. It was set to 1600 calories a day (losing 2 lbs per week)!!  NOT OKAY right now.. I can't go from eating 2500 calories to 1600 and not expect to go crazy.. so I changed it to 1830 calories (losing 1 lb a week).. I figure once I get down to where I'm consistently losing 1 lb a week, then I will cut my calories again, I guess..

My Personal 30 Day Challenge

Alright, so I'm putting myself into my own personal challenge.. I will do it for 30 days and then reevaluate at the end to see if I want to continue or not..

I plan to do the following every day for the next 30 days:

** My Shake Weight exercises

** crunches (25 minimum, hoping to work this number up to 100 eventually)

** reverse crunches (again, 25 minimum, hoping to work up to 100)

** do at least 30 minutes of SOME SORT of cardio

I'm still trying to figure out what reward I should get for completing that, but I figure I'll come up with something once I get halfway through.. :)

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So, I got some Yogi tea samples in the mail some time last week.. and I got the Skin Detox and Green Tea Blueberry.. I just tried the blueberry one, it's supposed to help curb hunger cravings, and I LOVE IT!!  The samples came with a $1/2 coupon, so I'm thinking I'm going to start carrying these around with me to drink after lunch.. maybe it'll help me snack less in between lunch and dinner.. Here's hoping.. lol

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Well, my daily weigh in wasn't surprising to me.. Yesterday was a bad day, and thanks to lack of sleep, I succumbed to pizza.. and LOTS of it.. :(   I am also in so much pain thanks to my TOM being around the corner, so I hope it's not all permanent gain..

Todays weight: 244.6 lbs

Daily Weigh In's..

Well, I'm starting to do daily weigh in's.. this way when I see I've gained SOMETHING, I can look back, notice that I ate poorly or just horribly and fix it.. Today it was relief on my part..

Today's weigh in: 240.6 lbs

So I lost 1.8 lbs since yesterday.. which tells me that I ate too much the few days before yesterday.. ugh!  Well, I'm off to go have fun with my BFF.. :)

Weigh In..

So, it's judgment day.. :(  I just weighed in, and I'm close to tears.. I knew to expect another gain, but a part of me hoped I'd maintain.. I was sorely disappointed..

Weight on 7/8/11: 241.2 lbs

Gain of: 3.0 lbs

I was looking at my tracker, and I'm heavier NOW than I was in August of last year!!  NOT COOL!!  Sadly, I know what the issue is.. I don't work out, and I eat like crap!  I miss my gym membership, and bc of money issues that won't be fixed for a while.. and I'm working on the eating part as I write this.. Weirdly enough, I feel skinnier, as I've been doing ab and arm workouts over the past few days..

Last night I got in 25 minutes of Just Dance in and while I ate kinda a lot of food, it was taco salad (without chips!), so I figured I'd eat it since I was making it healthy..  I'm going grocery shopping later, so hopefully I'll get lots of fruits bc I've missed them.. :)

Today Will Be Bad..

Food-wise, it will be pretty bad.. I need to go grocery shopping for some more fruits and veggies, some lunch meat, and soups! I can't wait to have soup again! Is that sad?  ;)

I say it's going to be bad bc tonight is our True Blood night.. this is where me, my mom, and my grandma get together (she cooks) and watch two to three episodes of True Blood.. We get to spend time together, eat, talk, and watch Eric Northam.. yummy!  lol.. and I requested my grandma's homemade tirimisu for tonight.. OMG! It's to die for.. and with work and this, I am not gonna be able to workout until around 11 tonight.. but i'm still hoping to get my Just Dance game out and dust its off tonight.. :)

Oh, did I mention lunch was pizza and my lettuce mix is nasty?!  :(  no salad for me with my slices.. add that to my list.. ugh!

It's Complicated..

<p>well, isn't everything anymore??&nbsp; nothing is ever simple.. and losing weight isn't simple either.. it takes a lot of wrongs to find a right.. and i'm not sure what's going on with my body right now, but i'm thinking I need to try something other than what I'm doing..</p>
<p>I feel so bloated.. Something is up, but I can't figure out exactly what it is.. I've got some ideas, but until I can say that it ISN'T this or that, i'm keeping the reasons to myself.. lol..</p>
<p>I know what I do need out of a diet: I need to be able to track (whatever) on my phone.. so i'm thinking of going back to counting calories.. I looked on Livingstrong.com and it states that to lose 2 lbs a week I'd need no more than 1600 calories a day.. I think it's doable.. I'll prolly still try to stick with low carb breads, but that's it.. lol

I'm not looking forward to weighing in on Friday, but i'll take it and run in the right direction.. :)

Perceptions..

I have been debating on writing about this for a while.. and now, it got to me a few days ago, so here I am to talk about it.. :)

So, we all have different perceptions of the world.. it makes us interesting, the way we see things differently than others.. and perception is a big issue with weight loss, I think.. some people are lucky to have an accurate perception of themselves.. they see that they are bigger/skinnier than they 'should' be or they think they are beautiful the way they are..

I wish I had that ability to love myself.. and no, i'm not looking for the 'your beautiful' comments.. but I don't love my outward self fat.. is that a bad thing??  I think my personality is better (more prominent) whether i'm big or skinnier, but I think I look DAMN GOOD when i'm smaller..

I say this a lot, and I wonder if people understand what I mean.. 'there are pretty fat people, and there are people who just don't look good fat'.. my mom is one of those ladies who look good bigger.. I AM NOT! I need definition in my face to feel pretty, I need to see I have cheekbones (which disappear when I gain weight)..

My mom, bless her heart, doesn't see why I feel this way.. which is ok, but i'm getting sick of explaining why I do feel this way.. lol.. I don't WANT to be 'happy' with myself being fat.. is that so hard to imagine?!

Wow, I think this entry kinda went off track.. lol 

Weigh In

** OOPS, SO I WAS POSTING THIS ON MY PHONE AND I GUESS I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON.. SO HERE'S MY WEIGH IN FROM FRIDAY.. **

So it's Friday.. and while I just weighed in on Monday, I don't like weighing in on Mondays (bc usually I'll eat my "normal meal" over the weekend)..  So I'm weighing in today and will continue to weigh in on Fridays weekly..

I weighed in on Thursday night, and was seriously shocked.. I knew I'd eaten a little more carbs than I anticipated (not including the bran and yogurts daily), but I wasn't expecting to see how much I'd gained.. So I was bracing myself for today's weigh in..  It wasn't too horrible.. but a gain is bad, no if's, and's, or but's about it..

Today's weigh in:  238.2 lbs

+2.4 lbs

I'm hoping this is just bc I have been eating the yogurt and oatmeal/bran muffins.. which I will now take out of my diet.. I eat enough fiber to balance the meat I'm eating, so I'm not really worried about that part of it.. So, I will accept the weight gain this week and make sure I see that gone next week.. Mark my word!  I WILL SEE 235.0 OR BELOW next Friday!!